Weight and Sexual Violence
(From SlutWalk Toronto Facebook page)
”Fat women are treated as utterly undesirable in our culture [and] are often turned into a ‘bizarre’ fetish object. The result is that fat women are told to be grateful for any sexual attention they receive from anyone, whether they themselves find that person sexually appealing or not. In other words, even more than your average women, fat women are only allowed to be occasional objects of desire and are regularly denied their right to have and pursue sexual desires of their own.
That way of thinking becomes very dangerous when sexual violence is mixed in. When fat women are raped, they’re often told they should be grateful that anyone wanted them, or, alternatively, disbelieved because it doesn’t seem plausible that anyone would want them ‘enough to rape them.’ These arguments not only rely on the dangerous myth that rape is about uncontrollable sexual desire (it’s not), but also propagate the message that fat women’s bodies aren’t valuable enough to the culture for their violation to be taken seriously.”
- Jaclyn Friedman in: What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety
Posted on May 6, 2012, in Also Important!, Articles/Video/Campaigns/Photos, Feminism and tagged fat, Jaclyn Friedman, quote, rape, sexual assault, sexual violence, SlutWalk, stigma, weight, What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, women. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.
I’m so glad you called attention to this! You are serving a much marginalized population by awareness raising!
Too bad I didn’t get the job at Jenny Craig as a weight loss consultant! They more so want someone than can sell not someone that can provide adequate support!
Oy! I can’t see you at Jenny Criag–they are just interested in making money.
Yeah just a bit! i have a feeling I’d want out pretty quick! I’m not a good seller! As soon as people say no I’m like “ok cool no problem!”
Thank you for writing this.
It’s not only the society denying the value of a fat woman’s body, it’s also the woman herself. When you believe you should be grateful there’s at least someone who wants you, it’s much harder to leave this person, even if he beats the shit out of you. When you think you’re not worth sexual attention in the first place, where would you find the courage to stand up against intimidation or rape?
I’ve even had that experience myself of where I thought I was just so worthless and this idiot that was with me was my only hope blah blah blah……We need to learn to value ourselves!
absolutely agree! xD We are worth better than the assholes we stay with!
His words are so true, as much as I wish they weren’t.
I hate facing things that are painful but if we don’t then we’re stuck in this fake world where we think things are ok.
I totally agree with this on a societal level and the issue of what rape really is about is so important. But in the back of my mind is a nagging thought, which I hope won’tcause people to throw anything at me. There are an awful lot of fat woman (and men) in the world now days and a whole lot of them are loved by someonelike a partner, husband, whatever. It makes wonder whether this is a media issue rather than reality. Does that make sense? It’s one of those things where I know what I mean, just not sure if it is getting across. If fat woman are so utterly undesirable in society (like the post says) how do we explain so many being in long term relationships?
I have heard larger women tell me that men have approached them, attempting to hit on them, and when they are refused these men lash out about their weight. Like reminding them that they’re larger would make them change their minds and suddenly want to sleep with them.
It probably is more dominate in the media but media is becoming our reality. I know young men who, in the past, when I’ve tried to set them up with a girl friend, the first thing they ask me “Is she fat?”
For the most part weight doesn’t matter too people, the same way most men won’t rape at all in their lives. But it does happen and will happen.
It seems to me that smaller women may be raped because since they are “beautiful” they’re asking for it. Larger women may be raped because these men feel they’re doing her a “favor”. This is just my theory.