Daily Prompt: Take It From Me

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve given someone that you failed to take yourself?

“Get out of your relationship, it’s not good for you!”

“You don’t need to be in a relationship! There is nothing wrong with being single.”

“You won’t find who is right for you while you stay in this bad relationship.”

I have GREAT relationship advice but I never take it myself. I have found myself repeatedly in predominantly emotionally abusive and controlling relationships, knowing I should leave and I do not.

I am not in that relationship now but majority of these horrible relationships were ended by my partner because they got tired of me. I should have ended these relationships when they told me what to wear, who I could hang out, who I could talk to, where I could go, when they went through my phone, email, and journal, when they called me names and made me feel like I was nothing.

It makes me feel like a hypocrite but it’s always harder to do things when it is our own live and we have to experience the consequences first hand.

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About prideinmadness

I'm 25 years old and live in Toronto, Ontario. I refuse to see myself as "sick" and instead focus on how my experience have led me to where I am. I do work and advocacy within mental health, have severe Mad Pride and know that psychiatry needs to change.

Posted on November 28, 2012, in The Daily Post and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Wow that’s some control freaky guys you had there o.O

  2. The best advice comes from experience.

  3. Interesting.. Why do you think it is that you allow yourself to be treated so terribly? Furthermore, why the hell do you stay in the relationship/..

    • Many reasons and none of them I like. It ranges from I hated myself so I dated those who treated me how I thought I should have been treated to believing that they could change and treat me better. The longest I stayed in one of those relationships was 14 months. I left him and it really changed everything for the better.

  4. I know someone who’s currently in a similar situation. He’s been verbally abusive for as long as I’ve known her then, last Friday, he lashed out while drinking and hit her! I’m sorry to say that I’ve just heard from her and they’re still engaged. At the same time, she’s revealed how unhappy she is and also confused (I guess, about what she should do).

    Eight-days ago, she was crying out for someone to come and rescue her…

    I can’t tell her what to do and I can’t understand precisely why she keeps going back. She’s knows I’m there but, he is very controlling. He constantly wears her down. He triggers her manic depression, forcing her in to drink. It’s hard for me to simply tell her that I’m here when I just want to tell her to GET OUT… I know she would only reject that.

    I sometimes believe that she lacks the self believe and esteem to realise that she is worth more. It’s almost as if she’s ‘settling’ for the false affirmation of a marriage that’ll only end in tears, maybe worse. My mother stayed in her marriage for the same reason and, once the kids came along, it seemed unethical to part ways, at least until my sister and I had grown up.

    I’m so pleased that you are able to reflect on your past now and also, to read that YOU left your last abusive relationship out of your own choice. I hope that my friend can find the strength and belief to do the same. I love her and I wish I could do more.

    • Thank you for sharing this with me and I’m sorry your friend is in this situation!

      There is a lot of truth, I feel, about what you said involving her self worth and self esteem. Part of the cycle of abuse is making your partner feel so horrible that when they tell you, “You’ll never find anyone better,” the aubsed ends up thinking they are right. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy makes elaborate apologies that make her feel so much hope and happiness. We put a lot of emphasis on physical abuse but I can tell you from experience that I do not care about the man who hit me but I loathe the men who have told me I was nothing. Emotional and psychological abuse effects can last a LONG time! I’ve been with my current partner for 4 years and I still become extremely when I feel he might force me to do something I don’t want to do, even though he’s never done that, that is just the experience that has been drilled into my head.

      One thing that helped me think about leaving in the past was creating a plan. I don’t know if that is something you could do with her if she wants to. The plan would include where she would go if she left her partner, saving up money, slowly packing a bag etc.

      Take a step back if you need to. I know that sounds hard and mean but I wouldn’t want you to get stressed out by this. :)

      • Thank you for understanding and for sharing more of your own experiences. This is why I love blogging and the internet so much. I sometimes wish she’d give it a go to air her own thoughts ‘privately’. :-)

        Helping her to make a plan sounds like a good idea. I cannot tell her to pack her bags but, I can keep reminding her that I’m here and how she’s always welcome to stay with me. Especially once I’m out of my mum’s house and living alone again (I don’t believe she’s comfortable with the idea of staying in “someone else’s” house with me).

        Thank you. :-)

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