What I Can’t Say In Class
A recent comment in one of the discussion forums in my AIDS course has me fuming! Here is the thread.
Lee: I am a very paranoid person when it comes to STD’s and am always very careful and use prevention. I have to say though that at times you just want to live in the moment and not worry about reaching for the condom box and. I think that what Dr Curran said was very true. I think that a lot of the times women are sort of pressured to not use a condom cause ‘it kills the moment’ or ‘the love’
Kristen (Me): It’s very unfortunate that men and women feel that condoms wreck sex. They are what keeps sex safe and too me, nothing says “I care about you” more then being safe!
I have heard many women (and sometimes from my own experience) tell me that men have said “I don’t have sex with a woman who is not on birth control.” This clearly places all the pressure on women to be in charge on contraception. Some women, such as myself, cannot be on hormonal contraceptives because of horrible side effects so condoms are all we have.
This is a great example of where sexual education, female empowerment and the breaking down of patriarchal beliefs and systems can greatly improve everyone’s physical and mental health!
Hui: Well, condoms do wreck sex. It’s a too obvious fact of life.
The question is whether it’s worth enduring a wrecked sex life and for how long. I personally don’t.
Kristen (Me): I personally feel it is that thought that Lee and Dr. Curran were talking about as being why many individuals end up contracting HIV/AIDS because of the negative beliefs (and even experiences) that people have about condoms and pleasure.
Good type!
What, to me, is a fact, scientifically proven over and over is the effectiveness of condoms to prevent HIV/AIDS and other STI’s. I feel that is the obvious fact of life.
What I actually wanted to say:
What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?! You need to change your fucking attitude and get your generalizations under control! HOW DARE YOU PARTICIPATE IN CREATING NEGATIVE INFORMATION THAT, AS WE’RE LEARNING, CAN KILL PEOPLE!!!!!!! You just have a shitty attitude about sex overall if some penis balloon wrecks your sex life! You shouldn’t even be here in this course!!!!
…….I am no longer a part of this discussion due to my rage about it.
Posted on February 27, 2013, in Also Important! and tagged AIDS, anger, attitude, condoms, death, HIV, idiot, ignorance, prevention, safe sex, stereotype, STI, stupid. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.
I actually never didn’t use one(in consensual sex) till I was married, so I really don’t know…is the sex better because there’s no condom, or because the guy is better? I think the latter more than anything. I know what WILL wreck someone’s sex life though–fatigue, worrying that illnesses that would pass in a day or so for a negative person may turn into a hospital trip for a positive one, protease weight re-distribution, awkward conversations with potential new partners explaining your status (it’s only ethical after all)…we’re negative but I guess you can surmise we have–in some cases past tense–positive friends.
The illness would wreck someones sex life and life more then condoms ever will. I would say, from my experience, regardless of condoms sex is great when you’re with a great partner.
Hui is an idiot. Interrupt. Cause an awkward moment. Mess up timing a bit. Possibly. But wreck? Gonna take a lot more than that little balloon to ruin sex for me!
As for Lee…maybe this is where my approach pays off for me. I’m probably more like the average woman than man. Not interested in any wham-bam, turn back on ESPN. For the person that enjoys (truly enjoys) lots of fore play and intimacy…”the moment” is only a small piece of the time. Maybe Lee could more “live in the moment” if the moment was more than 60 seconds.
With that said, I took the scissors so that (a) the pressure to slice and dice herself wasn’t all on my wife, and (b) the pressure to manage birth control was not on her from a pill standpoint or both of us from a condom standpoint. I know you are talking about illness, but from a pregnancy standpoint…we didn’t want to have to deal with condoms either.
Ultimately, I am thinking an STD would be a great deal more problematic than whatever takes place in the moment of having to love with the glove.
I totally agree with you! If you read my other post on the topic what this idiot said will make more sense!
I usually thought of condoms as pregnancy prevention but since starting this course I’m seeing how important they are, especially if you are sleeping with multiple people or you are unsure if your partner has an STD.
I would rather not be sick and die. That’s worth having “awkward” sex! It is great though the HIV is so preventable!
I am not sure I could have kept my mouth shut, and probably would have ended up posting something similar to what you wanted to say but use restraint and didn’t say it.
The good thing about online stupidity is I have time to think things through. This also happened while I was heading home from getting groceries so I had about 10 min before I got home and too a computer which was time to think about how to nicely tell this person they’re wrong!
I also don’t like it when people are rude about people’s opinions (even though I can be) so I want to be the bigger person and nicely explain why something is stupid
Hi the anger is understandable, especially when you’re on that particular course! I hope that you managed to calm down, all the best
I’m going to take this anger and try and put it into my essay when I talk about stigma
Totally agree 100%!!
It also bothers me how women are expected to take care of the contraception by taking the pill. Nobody seems to care that you can get STDs this way, unless you use a condom too.
My medication interferes with the effectiveness of the pill, reducing it to about 65& effectiveness rather than 99%. Condoms can be inconvenient but who the hell cares- it’s way better than dealing with an unwanted pregnancy or STD.
No one is thinking about STD’s! I didn’t even think about STD’s until my current partner, when we first met, said he wanted to get tested first. We’re fortunate that many STD’s can be medically treated and go away but that shouldn’t mean we be reckless.
You do what you gotta do!
What a gem of a partner for saying he wanted to get tested!!
Agreed
That says “I love you!”
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