Survivor: World Suicide Prevention Day
I have been wondering what I will write about World Suicide Prevention Day 2013 since I woke up this morning. I don’t like talking about suicide, especially my own attempt, but in the spirit of this blog and my desire to help others I have to say at least a little something.
To be honest, the only reason I am alive right now is because my suicide attempt failed. While I’m sure many, especially my parents, where trying to prevent anything bad from ever happening to me, certain aspects of my emotional well-being were just not being given the attention they needed.
What could have prevented my attempt? Well, it would have been helpful if my peers had never told me I was ugly, or had supported me when I began to self harm in order to cope, and then not made fun of me for self harming, or ending friendships with me when I tried to dull the pain of people hating me for self harming by drinking and doing drugs, and if guys hadn’t used me because they knew they could get what they wanted from me because I hated myself so much, and if then if those guys then didn’t emotionally abuse me and leave me because I was depressed and self harming….are you seeing what’s happening here? It’s a giant snowball. It starts off small but over time everything got bigger and bigger until all it took was one more, “you’re worthless” for me to decide that enough was enough.
I still have moments where I wish I wasn’t but those are in desperate times when my mind is flooded with pain. I know that I won’t hurt myself and that thinking about suicide or expressing those thoughts to others is a way for me to explain that I’m really in pain.
I’m glad I’m alive.
If I hadn’t survived my attempt I never would have…
And so much more!
I’m glad I’m alive.
Posted on September 10, 2013, in Madness, Mental Health, Stigma/Discrimination, Personal and tagged achievements, happy, live, living, suicide attempt, survivor, World Suicide Prevention Day 2013. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.