(I swear this section is never ending! I actually haven’t finished it….)
Please say YES or NO
I cannot tolerate uncertainty NO
I have a history of stormy relationships YES
I have had difficulties with people I work with NO
I can form an immediate attachment to someone YES
People are either good or bad with nothing in between YES!!!
I have been known to blame others for my situation YES
1. What other experiences or feelings have you experienced which have caused you problems when dealing with other people?
All the shit we’re already talking about. Other people’s shit, not mine for once, has caused issues. I personally feel like I always try and work through problems within my relationships whereas others may not want to which could also be a fact and not just a BPD symptom of blaming others for my situation. It’s hard to work through anything when the other person/people aren’t as invested!
“If you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder you will find that you are hypersensitive
to the cues in your environment and react to them with an unpredictable set of emotions
People who suffer from your disorder have main thoughts which rely on what is happening
in their relationships at this present moment. Because you may have difficulty not knowing
‘who you are’ and underneath this feeling is the fear that you may be rejected or abandoned,
you might try and search out your identity through other people. Your need for love and
acceptance may cause you to fear that if you lost this relationship you might lose an inner
sense of who you are.”
2. Would you say this was true for you?
I am hypersensitive but do not act completely unpredictably. I have always just been “excessive”. The second paragraph use to describe me but I have been finding as the years have gone on that I am developing my own identify outside of my relationships which has provided me with multiple supports. This is not to say then when I get depressed I don’t have doubt in myself or my relationships but it is not a daily consuming thought.
Say YES or NO
I have hurt myself when I feel stressed YES
I feel guilty and bad after I have hurt myself NO
Self harm gives me a sense of relief YES
Hurting myself is triggered by a feeling that I can’t cope YES
When I self harm I don’t necessarily want to die YES
1. What other feelings and emotions have you gone through which relate to your self harming behaviour?
Boredom and a feeling of “addiction”, that sometimes I just want to feel the cutting even though I’m not stressed out. It’s something I’m just used to seeing on my body so when I don’t see it I feel weird.
2. If you self harm, do you understand the reasons why?
Yes. I would self harm when I feel stressed out about a situation and can’t deal with it, when I need to punish myself, when I feel upset for someone (old reason) or when I’m not feeling much (old reason).
3. Have you felt tremendously stressed about something that was bothering you and did not know how to deal with the problem?
At times yes. I don’t always have the answers.
4. Did it get to the stage whereby these feelings of fear and worry overwhelmed you and you felt like you were unable to cope with anything around you?
5. Did these feelings trigger the need to do whatever it took to get the situation under control and restore a sense of calm and to relieve your distress?
Yes, sometimes at the pain of others. I need to get myself out of a horrible mind situation as quickly as possible so I don’t get hurt and I sometimes, if not always, need someone to help me with that. I can sometimes pass a point where my ability to manage on my own is gone. I do not have a problem admitting I’ve gone too far in feeling something and can ask for help. Whether I get it or not is not up to me but I can’t deal with that rejection. I wouldn’t reject anyone.
A way of expressing anger.
Some sufferers manage anger by self harming. They have a wish to punish another person, but mainly they want to punish themselves for some of the wrongs that have happened to them in their life, whether they were responsible or not which for some sufferers continues the abusive patterns from their past.
A cry for help.
A common myth of self harm is that it is an attention-seeking behaviour.
6. How do you feel about this myth?
I feel there is some truth to “a cry for help” but I hate thinking of it as “attention-seeking”. I know I self harmed because that’s what I wanted to do and it did show people that I was seriously feeling something horrible! Also, if I did walk around with scars showing it was sort of like me saying, “please, someone, notice that I’m hurting and ask me if I’m ok. Please talk to me.” When I hear attention seeking I picture someone walking around waving their cuts in the air and doing a dance or something. That’s not what I want people to think when they learn that someone self harms. I hate that the attention seeking myth made quitting cutting almost impossible. It made me hide more which was dangerous.
Acts as a distraction.
1. Have you experienced a feeling of emptiness and a sense of numbness where you felt disconnected from the real world in some way?
What Famous People Have Self Harmed?
- Johnny Depp
- Princess Diana
- Angelina Jolie
- Kelly Holmes
- Marilyn Manson
2. How do you feel about the above famous people using self harming behaviours to cope with difficult emotions?
I don’t care. I hate the pedestal we seem to put “crazy” celebrities on! I don’t like looking up to celebrities because they have money and access to things I could never dream of! I would rather focus on the non-celebrities I have in my own life that have overcome great challenges!
Next: Session 3 Activities Part 6