Strong Person Award

The Quiet Borderline has nominated me for the Strong Person Award. I could not adequately describe the amazing things this woman has does even if she does not know it! Her  ability to survive and push beyond whatever she is experiencing is very admirable! CHECK OUT THE QUIET BORDERLINE!!!!!

“You heard me right! You are not weak, you are strong. You are not a failure, you are a fighter! This goes out to all mentalists. And it’s a gift from me (The Quiet Borderline) to you all – Please spread the love. Mental health is not something to be sneered at and it deserves much more respect. Stop the stigmatising.”

The Rules

1. Make sure to add in the above text and image to spread the love and add how little or how much you want!
2. Name your diagnoses – Stand loud and proud! You can tell us a little about them also if you’d like. How you’re affected by these diagnoses and how you are fighting your way out of them.
3. Add a photo of yourself, or some abstract picture that represents you, anything you like!
4. Send this on to as many, yes, as many, people that you like. It can be five, ten, fifty.

The Diagnoses of PIM

Dysthymic Disorder: A chronic depression that was relentless! I experienced this disorder from age 13 (although I was not diagnosed until 16) to 117 years old. These were the worst years of my life and I’m glad they are over. I firmly believe that if I hadn’t achieved my recovery from this depression I would be dead. Since I did recover for it I think that says something for the “chronic” part of the diagnosis.

Borderline Personality Disorder: Diagnosed at 18 years old and I probably had this disorder along with the dysthymia but no one was looking for it. I do relate being borderline with becoming a confident person. I have no problem standing up for myself, doing what I like and expressing how I feel even though it may be an aggressive mess.

Borderline Personality Traits: This is my newest diagnosis and it is one that reflects my awesome achievements in improving my mental health but still acknowledges that I have issues that can stop me in my tracks. This diagnosis simply means that I do not meet the full diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder anymore UNLESS I am angry. Many people think this diagnosis is bullshit but I feel that it is acknowledging who I am and I love it!

July 2012

Toronto, the city that I love! Going to school in Toronto and then moving here two years ago greatly improved my mental health and continues to do so!

Some Other Strong People (Even if you don’t appear on this list still know you are strong and awesome! And I possibly saw that you were previously nominated)

http://gypsy116.wordpress.com/

http://wereallmadinhere.wordpress.com/

http://asthependulumswings.wordpress.com/

http://brettbatten.wordpress.com/

http://strugglingwithbipolar.wordpress.com/

http://mentalhealthdiaries.wordpress.com/

http://managingmania.com/

http://thebipolarplace1.wordpress.com/

http://borderlinegirlliveshere.wordpress.com/

http://voicesofglass.com/

http://themirthofdespair.wordpress.com/

There are a few more but I need to get to bed!!!!

 

 

Mental Health Humor #5

I love it when you go see your psychiatrist and they diagnose you with the whole DSM within 5 minutes of you FIRST visit!

How many diagnoses have you been given since entering the mental health system?

I’ve been given:

• hormones
• dysthymic disorder
• bipolar disorder
• borderline personality disorder
• post traumatic stress disorder

 

You’re Sad? Then You’re Crazy!

Yesterday was a bad day for me. A really bad day. I don’t usually have days like that. It got to the point of where I had convinced myself that when I got home from work I would attempt to shut my brain off and accept any consequences that came along with it….as long as my brain would shut off I would be fine. Luckily I work with the most amazing children and, they don’t know it, they helped me not push the self destruct button.

Yes, I found a self destruct button!

While I lay in bed reading, waiting for my partner to get home from work I began thinking about how I had failed. I write this blog, I work in and present on mental health and I am constantly doing what all friends do, offer advice on how to ease stress and have a better life. How can I do all that, spread hope and say that having mental health issues is ok, that it’s not what you think it is, and then fall so deep into the black hole…….??????

My logical mind, the one I trust more and the one I have most of the time, tells me that I’m allowed to fall into the black hole. I’m allowed to not always succeed. I’m allowed to be that stereotype I fight against because the point is not to say it isn’t real but that it doesn’t define my capabilities as a human.

I am still trying to understand happiness and sadness. Throughout my diagnosis of dysthymic disorder (chronic depression) sadness meant that I was ill and happiness meant that treatment was working and I was becoming “normal”. It is easy to see how anyone, but especially a teenager, could create this belief that sadness is all bad and happiness is all good. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!

Even in this picture happiness is #1.....

I still sometimes struggle to see my negative emotions as not being a sign that I should be heavily medicated and hospitalized because that is how it was in the past. To be happy is the ultimate goal when you have a mental health issue but it seems unattainable, especially to the extent everyone else appears to have it. It really comes down to the label. I felt that “normal” people have this free-flowing, relaxed, easy come happiness and that people with mental health issues have this difficult, medicated, therapy driven, exhausting, fake happiness. My labels keep me under the constant threat of “relapse” because if I can’t hold it together then I am “crazy”.

I reminded myself, after thinking all of this, cozy in my bed, that no one can hold it together all the time. Everyone plunges into the black hole. My partner has told me in the past that everyone has to work at being happy, that it is not a natural state and this is true. Sadness is not a natural state either…yes, we need to work at being sad too!

I’m ok now. Drained a little but I’m entitled to feeling and I’m even more entitled to not be condemned for how I’m feeling. I feel that my emotions yesterday have nothing to do with an illness but just my reaction to feeling intensely horrible and isolated with that feeling.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder while smiling and having pleasant conversation with the psychiatrist so I guess no emotion is safe to have once you’ve entered our mental health system.

Hmmmm makes me think....hmmmmm????