My partner’s sister posted this article on her Facebook and it’s worth a share!
But first, a little off topic but still related, a few months back a homophobic hashtag was trending. #ToMyUnbornChild was used by too many people to talk about how they would beat their hypothetical gay children, disown them, hate them and even wish death upon. I was horrified when I saw that this was going on and I responded using The Madvocates twitter using the same hashtag but instead saying that I will love my child no matter what! I then went online and urged others to take the hashtag from those homophobic idiots and turn it into something supportive!
Anyways, the article Dear Hypothetically Gay Son is a father’s letter to his unborn child who may or may not be gay.
Dear hypothetically gay son,
You’re gay. Obviously you already know that, because you told us at the dinner table last night. I apologize for the awkward silence afterwards, but I was chewing. It was like when we’re at a restaurant and the waiter comes up mid-bite and asks how the meal is, only in this metaphor you are the waiter, and instead of asking me about my meal, you said you were gay. I don’t know why I needed to explain that. I think I needed to find a funny way to repeat the fact that you’re gay… because that is what it sounds like in my head right now: “My son is gay. My son is gay. My son is gay.”
Let me be perfectly clear: I love you. I will always love you. Since being gay is part of who you are, I love that you’re gay. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the idea. If you sensed any sadness in my silence last night, it was because I was surprised that I was surprised. Ideally, I would have already known. Since you were an embryo, my intent has always been to really know you for who you are and not who I expect you to be. And yet, I was taken by surprise at last night’s dinner. Have I said “surprise” enough in this paragraph? One more time: Surprise!
OK. Let’s get a few things straight about how things are going to be.
- Our home is a place of safety and love. The world has dealt you a difficult card. While LGBT people are becoming more accepted, it is still a difficult path to walk. You’re going to experience hate and anger and misunderstandings about who you are out in the world. That will not happen here. You need to know with every fiber of who you are that when you walk in the front door of your home, you are safe, and you are loved. Your mother is in complete agreement with me on this.
- I am still, as always, your biggest defender. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re any less capable of taking care of and defending yourself. That said, if you need me to stand next to you or in front of you, write letters, sign petitions, advocate, or anything else, I am here. I would go to war for you.
- If you’re going to have boys over, you now need to leave your bedroom door open. Sorry, kiddo. Them’s the breaks. I couldn’t have girls in my room with the door shut, so you don’t get to have boys.
- You and I are going to revisit that talk we had about safe sex. I know it’s going to be awkward for both of us, but it is important. I need to do some research first, so let’s give it a few weeks. If you have questions or concerns before then, let me know.
That’s enough for now. Feel free to view this letter as a contract. If I ever fail to meet any of the commitments made herein, pull it out and hold me to account. I’ll end with this: You are not broken. You are whole, and beautiful. You are capable and compassionate. You and your sister are the best things I have ever done with my life, and I couldn’t be prouder of the people you’ve become.
P.S. Thanks to a few key Supreme Court decisions and the Marriage Equality Act of 2020, you’re legally able to get married. When I was your age, that was just an idea. Pretty cool, huh?
I’m trying to think of what exactly I would say in a letter and I think the fact I need to explain to my hypothetical LGBT child that I’ll still love them is a problem! I would NEVER have to explain that to a straight child. My over all response would just be an unphased, “ok”. Which would be the same respond I would give to a straight child.
There are many things that I would hope for my future child and a specific sexual orientation is not one of them. They’ll be whoever they want to be and I just hope that they are safe, supported, loved, happy, successful and do something good with their lives. I would love an LGBT child, this white heterosexual couple could use some diversity!
A friend of mine posted this video on her Facebook wall. It is amazing! It gives me goose bumps and almost makes me cry (if I let myself I would). I think a lot of what is said can be related to by many other oppressed communities.
I believe in sexual freedom, the freedom to love and be with who you want regardless of gender. I left the Mormon Church officially at 17 years old but had checked out years before when my bishop asked the congregation to mail our local government representative and ask them not to let Gay marriage become legal in Ontario, Canada. I knew that marriage was for people who were in love. That is what my parents modeled for me. Why did my Church not want two people in love to be married? I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know what “gay” was then but I do now and I support this community with everything I have in me.
I love my friends who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered. They are entitled to everything that I am as a “straight” citizen of this country. Same-sex marriage is legal across Canada and is seen as a right. No one can touch it and take it away.
Slowly, the United States is seeing the stupidity is not allowing same-sex partners to marry, adopt children, have jobs, have benefits for their partners and so much more. This needs to move faster.
Discrimination gets us nowhere! We cannot go backwards, only forwards!
This is about equal human rights.We should not be surprised anymore when we hear about another young person who has committed suicide because of homophobia! We should be angry that we live in a world that makes its people feel like they are worthless and don’t belong. We can’t blame this issue on an individual mental health problem! The health problem is in the society that says these individuals are abominations, predators, second class citizens and these suicides are the horrible permanent consequence to this disgusting “us” and “them” we have going on!
It can only be US!