Previously on 101 Things That Make Me Mad: Part 1
101 Things That Make Me Mad
31. When my cat pees/poos in places she shouldn’t
32. Having cuts on my fingers because I chew them
33. Having to remind my kids everyday to hold the balls while we’re inside
34. The Good Shepard (movie, hated it)
35. People who believe there should be a registry of the mentally ill
37. How alcohol and cigarettes are legal but pot is not
38. How Big Pharma hides REALLY important information
39. Student debt
40. People who abuse animals
41. Feeling cell phone withdrawal
42. Concert prices
43. Cutting my bang wrong
44. People not understanding what I’m try to say
45. People who make me do all the work
46. The War on Christmas
47. My need to always be touching my face
48. Having a bad memory
49. Seeing my BSW has gotten me nowhere…..
Chapter 3 (Cinderella 2.0: New Era, Same Old Fairytales) ended with something so thought provoking that my friend (who I’ve borrowed the book from) folded down the page to remember. This is the final paragraph and what I want to answer:
“Despite the transnational social, political, religious, and economic implications of weddings, the idea of marriage is a beautiful (albeit unrealistic) one. And marriage is changing. Gender roles are morphing and access to marriage is slowing changing as well. But instead of pushing for a world where women can get married guilt-free, I think, as women, we need to push ourselves and really thinking about why we want to get married, what is still symbolizes, and how much of what we want is based on what we want versus what the fairytale ideal has taught us to want.” -Outdated, Chapter 3, pg. 83
So, why do I want to get married or why do I not want to get married.
I have always thought I would get married (except in low moments when I hate myself and think I’m not worthy which is a whole different mental health and feminist discussion) and I figured I would do so because that’s what people who are “in love” do. I went for the expected traditions head first but as I’ve gotten a little older, as the idea of marriage becomes more real and the more I’ve read this book I’ve begun to question how important marriage is.
I am lucky to live in a country that recognizes common law partnerships. I do not have to wait for marriages to receive such benefits as my partner’s health insurance. When you tell an institution that you are living in a common law relationship no one bats an eye. When I do not see the “common law spouse/partner” on a form I am usually shocked (this form is forcing me to be “single” and not acknowledging the effort and commitment I have put into my relationship) but this doesn’t happen too often. So again, the question is why would I want to get married?
I think it would come down to the symbolism of the ceremony. I hate symbolism (it taunted me in high school English) because in the case of marriage it’s done to show people something I don’t care if they see and that is long term commitment to my partner. I personally (and Michael and I have talked about this recently) have no problem with not getting married, exchanging rings as a personal sign of commitment and then that’s it. I am not against marriage or weddings but like Outdated has been saying, it is the expectation.
I want kids. That is the pressing matter for me and that is the part of my life I am more excited about. Not being married should not mean I can’t go down that road with my partner free from stares.
In the end I will get married when it is financially possible and I am glad that I explored why or why not this is something I would want to do. Within the ceremony I have already decided on changes that would be more suited to my feminist values.
Some examples: my Father will not give me away, my family will. I will not be introduced at the reception (or at any point) as Mrs. (insert my partners full name)…I will always be me and I don’t even know if I’ll change my last name! I will also have an officiant who marries same-sex couples (which will be easy to find in Ontario).
I now turn it over to you! Readers, why would you want to get married? Why did you get married? Why would you not want to be married? Also share with me any other awesomeness that you may have
At work we decided it would be fun to have the kid’s squads be the Harry Potter Houses! One of my co-workers is a great artists so he sketched everything and two of us (myself included) helped colour them in, cut them out and glue then down!
We sorted them yesterday!
I work for the City of Toronto in a children’s after school program. I create and facilitate activities, including arts and crafts, character education and games, for up to 45 children ages 6-11. I am very good at what I do and more importantly I love what I do. These kids have saved me on multiple occasions but have also pushed my buttons.
Working scares me but looking for a job scares me more.
A lot of my friends have jobs while in high school. I didn’t. I was told that if employers found out I had depression they would fire me. I then created a story in my head where I would flip out on a customer or have a depressive episode at work and be fired.
I decided to hide (so to speak).
Because of what I was being told employers felt about people with mental health issues I used it ask my excuse to not find work. There is of course truth in saying that people with mental health issues are discriminate against in the work force. They are made to hide their illness and may even be let go from their job because of it.
The Canadian unemployment rate for individuals with mental health issues, depending on the severity, is between 70%-90%! Being able to work has been identified as a large part of promoting recovery and creating a more positive life for someone with a mental health issue (CMHA).
Any number of reasons can contribute to why the unemployment rate is so high: fear of being discriminated against, unable to work required hours, lack of past work experience, employer not wanting the “burden” of a staff with a mental health issue, lack of accommodation etc.
I wouldn’t be surprised, and I’m just speculating, that if employers were more understanding of mental illness, the same way they would about other illnesses, then maybe mental illness would be the second leading cause of disability in Canada (CAMH)? If people knew that their jobs were safe while they worked on themselves then maybe they wouldn’t feel that work is not possible? If employers to meet people on their level and not the other way around then maybe the mental health unemployment rate could go down?
I found myself at 18 years old, in University, needing money and ZERO work experience aside from babysitting. This doesn’t look good! I’ve been scrambling the last 4 years together every bit of experience I can to expand my resume but I still feel the repercussions of not having certain experience. I don’t get certain jobs.
It’s a tough job market. The government says they’re creating jobs but they’re not creating jobs that I can do.
I need another job. My contract is going to run out in June and I need more money anyways because I don’t work enough hours where I am currently. I woke up terrified to hand in a resume today at Pet Valu, I became extremely self-defeating.
“They won’t hire you, you have none of what they’re looking for!”
“This is what you get for being depressed as a teen. No experience!”
Blah blah blah! I did it anyways and I stand as much chance as anyone else regardless of my mental health status (which rarely gets in the way of my work).