You can actually tell when I’m “depressed” or sadder than usually or just finally sad-ish because I post random stuff because I have no ideas or energy to think of something creative but I NEED to post something. Need to get out of my heading.
Ooooo I can add a lyric that spoke to me from each song!
Each day I can feel it swallow, inside something they took from me/I don’t feel your deathly ways/Each day I feel so hollow, inside I was beating me/You will never see, so come dance with me- Got the Life, Korn
I’m trying to hold it together/Head is lighter than a feather/Looks like I’m not getting better/Not getting better- Coming Undone, Korn
My mind’s done with this okay I’ve got a question/Can I throw it all away? Take back what’s mine?/So I take my time guiding the blade down the line/Each cut closer to the vain, bleed, bleed. – Here to Stay, Korn
(Here to Stay hit the spot. It knew who I was)
Now I see the times they change/Leaving doesn’t seem so strange/I am hoping I can find/Where to leave my hurt behind/All the shit I seem to take/All alone I seem to break/I have lived the best I can/Does this make me not a man?- Alone I Break, Korn
Life’s kinda always been messing with me/You wanna see the light?/Can’t they chill and let me be free?/So do I/Can’t I take away all this pain?/You wanna see the light?/I try to every night, all in vain, in vain. -Freak on a Leash, Korn
I hope you know, I pack a chainsaw/I’ll skin your ass raw/And if my day keeps going this way, I just might/Break your fucking face tonight. – Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit
No one knows what it’s like/To be the bad man/To be the sad man/Behind blue eyes/And no one knows/What it’s like to be hated/To be fated to telling only lies. -Behind Blue Eyes, Limp Bizkit
(Gothika was one of my favourite movies!)
Dead Celebrity Status
I feel secluded, my thoughts feel polluted./So I escape to music ‘cuz I think it’s therapuetic, and, this whole world can hate or love me, or think I’m ugly,’cuz unlike my friends these walls wont judge me./These walls wont betray me, these walls are like my safety./But sometimes I feel like these walls drive me crazy./They enslave me or chase me by myself./’cuz if these walls see everything, why the fuck don’t they help?- If These Walls Could Talk, Dead Celebrity Status
I’m so sorry for all that I’ve done,/I’m so sorry for what I’ve become./I’m so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,/I can’t hold you back ‘cuz I’m losing my mind. -Someone I Once Knew, Dead Celebrity Status
Teen drinking is very bad/Yo, I got a fake ID though. – Tipsy, J-Kwon
(My underage drinking days!)
So I’ve decided to try and get more personal in these posts. I’ve received a lot of amazing support for followers or people who have just stumbled upon one post and “liked” or commented so I can open up more.
I had a bad night just is bleeding into a bad day. I contemplated the hospital/services last night with a few friends but knew if I waited it out I’d be moderately ok and I was right. I don’t have the time to look out for myself like that. I need to work or I don’t get paid (so healthy….).
So I’m not feeling desperate anymore but I am angry. Whenever I feel angry I listen to “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit ft. Snoop Dog.
One of my “dreams” is to put on loud music and completely destroy a room. That’s what I’m doing in my head every time I go into a rage, especially when I remain calm. I just want to throw things, I want to hear things break, I want to scream. Anger is so repressed and it’s so painful. It especially feels, to me, that i’m the only one that can’t show it. I feel like everyone else is allowed to be mad except me. So it stays in….like right now.
I hope everyone else has a better day! My kids should perk me up! They always do <3