After raging pretty good a few days ago it has once again become apparent to me that I need to get my shit together (so do those around me but I can’t do anything about that). It’s one thing to expose my partner to my rages but if we’re going to move forward in our lives our future children CANNOT be exposed to the rages I experience. If I continue to experience anger in this way I will have my children taken away from me. That would kill me.
I have decided to get myself on the wait list at CAMH for their BPD Clinic. I’m choosing to ignore the part where it says clients are REQUIRED to have an outside primary therapist because I have heard the wait list is well over two years and who knows where I’ll be by then but I can get an outside therapist if needed I guess. But, that main problem is, is that I can’t make the call. I heard the automated message say, “Welcome to CAMH” and I hung up. I feel like I’m betraying a part of me. I have never interacted with CAMH before (minus to tell them I hated their ads) so do even inquire about this feels like I’m submitting myself to the medical model, saying I have a disease and that my brain is broken. I just don;t want to rage anymore.
I’m probably being over dramatic but all the confidence I had when I first dialed the number is gone.
“If even one apple fell up, wouldn’t we have to at least begin to question the laws of physics?”
- Dr. Daniel Dormand, Psychiatrist and author of Dante’s Cure
Mad in America posted an article that shared a trailer for a new documentary by Western Massachusetts Recovering Learning Community called Beyond the Medical Model.
“The film’s message is one of freedom. It is one of the right to tell your own story and choose your own path (including the medical model), or to meander about across many paths as works for you. In order to create equal access to all the paths, we do need to recognize the oppressive ways that the medical model has been and continues to be applied and the legal, financial and other system structures that have become dependent upon it. We need to cut it down to size, so to speak, but we needn’t erase it all together.” -Susan Davidow