I Have A Personality Disorder (Supposedly) Part 1

When I was about 18 years old I
was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I had thought for a few years I had, had this particular disorder but I received Dysthymic Disorder (chronic depression) diagnosis instead at 16 years old.

I have either pushed aside this diagnosis and proclaimed it as a bullshit way to make me “sick” or embraced it as just who I am and something I’m proud of. Either way, I am who I am.

I faced a new battle with BPD that I didn’t have when labelled/experiencing depression. I personally believe it is the battle of LITERAL isolation.

When I was experiencing depression I feel there was the “illusion” of being alone. I say illusion because I knew other people who had mood disorders and people at least had a basic understanding of what depression was. I have not experienced this with BPD.

I do not closely know ANYONE with Borderline Personality Disorder and I do not know many people who know what it is. I feel isolated, misunderstood and lonely.

We talk so much about depression awareness that its like we’ve gotten that there are hundreds of other disorders that people are labelled with that need to be talked about and brought into the light.

For the sake of mainstream thought I’ll stick with the disorder perspective for this post.

Personality Disorder

• Cause enduring patterns of inner experience and behaviour that deviate from the expectations of society, are pervasive, inflexible and stable over time, and lead to distress or impairment
• Reflect personality traits that are used inappropriately and become maladaptive. (to some degree, this classification is arbitrary)
• Some deviations may be quite mild and interfere very little with the individual’s home or work life; others may cause great disruption in both the family and society
• Specific situations or events trigger the behaviours of a personality disorder.
• Individuals with personality disorders have difficulty getting along with others and may be irritable, demanding, hostile, fearful or manipulative

Classification of personality disorders is arbitrary. Each person is unique, however, and can display mixtures of patterns.

Types of Personality Disorders and Their Patterns

• Borderline Personality Disorder: Instability in interpersonal relationships, selfimage and affects, and marked impulsivity.
• Antisocial Personality Disorder: Disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
• Histrionic Personality Disorder: Excessive emotionality and attention seeking.
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
• Avoidant Personality Disorder: Social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation.
• Dependent Personality Disorder: Submissive and clinging behaviour related to an excessive need to be taken care of.
• Schizoid Personality Disorder: Detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of emotional expression.
• Paranoid Personality Disorder: Distrust and suspiciousness in which others’ motives are interpreted as malevolent.
• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality: Disorder Preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism and control.
• Schizotypal Personality Disorder: Acute discomfort in close relationships, cognitive or perceptual distortions, and eccentricities of behaviour.

(http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/miic-mmac/chap_5-eng.php)