Goodbye Alesse

Today I am saying goodbye to Alesse for at least 2 months.

As my doctor suggested, I googled “alesse and agitation” and found that although not unheard of it’s not common that women will experience anger/agitation as a side effect of this particular birth control. Yet another “rare” side effect I might have contracted.

When I tell women about this possible new discovery they keep thinking I mean when I’m on my period because that’s when they’ll experience horrible things. The fact that I am in a constant state of agitation does make me wonder if it’s the Alesse but it is a pill that is constantly in my body so I still can’t rule it out.

While I will not know for 2 months what is going on I’ve already created another horrible scenario in my mind. What is the Alesse was the only thing keeping the depression at bay?

Me on my own, my baseline of how my mood was before birth control was depressed. What if I go back?

I would like to think that is unlikely since I have developed many skills in the past 5-ish years but still I think it is a valid concern.

If it’s not the Alesse then we know I’m a bitch on my own although I do like the thought of blaming a drug for it.

There appears to be no major withdrawal symptoms except bleeding just because my body needs to reset itself. Can I trust that information though? We shall see. Withdrawal symptoms could very well be going back to my “natural” depressed self for all I know.

I shall keep you posted!

Emotional

I want to step back from everything.

There are too many things happening in my life that are causing emotions.

Unavoidable and not a big deal but currently it is.

Home issues, group issues, personal issues.

Where’s the off switch?

FOUND IT!!!! And….it’s broken…..

Sick of the Judgement

I wish I could stop seeing people make horrible rude comments about people’s choices/mistakes and other issues that involve people.

Let me start here, Miss Mental Health wrote a blog a few days ago about her choice to stop medication. As someone who chose to stop taking psychiatric medication, I was completely appalled by the reaction she received! “Are you stupid?” Some asked her. “Are you out of your mind?” And she also was given a lecture while attending her DBT class about her medication decision. THIS IS HER CHOICE!

No one ever called me stupid when I decided to go off my medication. My parents were very supportive. I didn’t realize that stopping medication was a big deal  until I was older and spoke with other people in the mental health system. Their eyes would widen when I would tell them that I ended my medication about 5 years ago. “So what have you been doing?” they would ask. “Nothing,” I would reply (I had not gone back to counselling at that point). I spent ages 18-22 with no mental health support and it was like I held a new Guinness World Record. Even now, this counselling is to help get over my last hurdle, not to really fix anything like it used to. But anyways, that was my choice and it should be respected.

When we’re already fragile about ourselves and our minds we don’t need other people criticizing us for our health decisions. You can have your opinion, yes, but you have no right to belittle someone because you disagree with what you are doing!

Another judgement came on Facebook. I just “Unliked” this group because while the name is promising, called something like, I may not be perfect but at least I’m not a fake, but the picture that was posted an hour ago was the last straw!

It was a picture with the bear Ted, from the movie Ted, and he was saying something along the lines how young teens who end up pregnant shouldn’t cry because they weren’t crying when they were having the sex that made them pregnant (I phrased it more politely). This picture had a lot of “Likes” and comments that made me sick to my stomach. Many, if not all, agreed with the comment. The “whore” was thrown around and I’m horrified that so many people could be so insensitive AND clearly have forgotten what it’s like to be an impulsive and “invincible” teenager.

An unplanned pregnancy can result form a few reasons, one being birth control failure and the other being  a lack of birth control. This can sometimes be young people falling into the “it will never happen to me” trap. I don’t care if you did not use birth control at all, if you find yourself pregnant by accident at any age YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE UPSET!

I do not give people permission to hit me with their car just because I go outside where the cars are! If I can be unprofessional for a moment, fuck off! Seriously, fuck off, and leave these girls/women alone!

Not that I make a habit of quoting the Bible but He who is without sin cast the first stone! Shut the hell up!Throw the rock at yourself first!

Brilliant!

Last one (that I want to talk about at least), welfare.

I am poor. When I filed my taxes this year I didn’t have to pay to download the file from the online program because I was poor. I receive two credits from the government, a monthly one from the Ontario provincial government (about $22) and one from the Canadian government that comes every 3ish months (about $60-$67). I do not even make enough money to pay taxes.  Next year I will mostly be able to receive a $500 credit for basically being a member of the working poor. I have not paid a cent of my student loan since leaving school a year ago and qualified for $0 repayment assistance twice. I cannot afford rent and I am only living where I currently do because my partner loves me, has a good job and takes what little I can give him. I would qualify to use a food bank, I would qualify for subsidized housing and all this means I could most likely qualify for welfare.

I hate hearing about welfare being a handout and an excuse for people to be lazy.

I have met ONE person in my life who was on welfare because they were too lazy to work (literally they said that to me, it was painful) but I promise you that welfare is shit. Welfare in Ontario is horrible. They have been slashing it for years. Ontario welfare has been slashed more each year and this includes taking money away from special diets (as needed by people with diabetes for example) or medication costs.

FYI: If you are on welfare in Ontario and you start making “too much money” (meaning more than they think you should be making to be on welfare) they will stop giving you money even if you depend on that money to make ends meet because you still are not making enough.

I don’t like the line that is being drawn between the working poor and those with various disabilities who find themselves unable to work. I think it is disgusting that people experiencing certain disabilities find themselves unemployed (there should be some sort of job for everyone) and I find it disgusting that people can be out there working and still be poor! Both groups of people need help! They need help for the same things! They need help making sure that they can go from one day to the next and not have to sacrifice rent over food or not be able to afford their basic needs.

Stop with the “handout” talk! We all need help! Stop judging and start voting in the people who will create an environment with more social supports that address all the issues that make living difficult! Improve food availability, affordable housing, jobs, safe neighbourhoods, good local transit, affordable education, recreation programs and healthcare!

STOP JUDGING PEOPLE!!!!!!

Mental Illness Isn’t Cute, or: Stop Calling Your Quirks OCD/Bipolar

This is an amazing blog post by Pop Goes Culture! One of my biggest pet peeves has been people using mental health diagnoses to describe the behaviour of non diagnosed people. Doing so is offensive to those with the disorders and greatly downplays the seriousness the disorders.

Mental Illness Isn’t Cute, or: Stop Calling Your Quirks OCD/Bipolar.

Just because you like things neat doesn’t mean you’re “OCD”.

Just because you can’t focus doesn’t mean you’re “ADD”.

Just because you’ve been really sad for a few days because you got dumped doesn’t mean you have “depression”.

Just because someone doesn’t like to hangout with people often doesn’t mean they’re “antisocial” (That is actually not even what the disorder is about).

Just because someone is one “personality” one second and another one in another second doesn’t mean they’re “Schizophrenic or Multiple Personality” (This one is the biggest mess because schizophrenia has nothing to do with personalities and multiple personalities is now called DID and has nothing to do with going from happy to sad in a few seconds)

Just because you get mad too doesn’t mean that you have “BPD”.

I could go on forever!!!! Read the blog!