I haven’t posted anything DBT related lately and it’s because it’s all becoming a blur. I admit that I haven’t been practicing much and I am trying to get back on track.
Last week I set a goal in class to be more positive about my living situation. I have been living with my partner at his parent’s house since July 2014. I do not want this, but we have no other option. My goal was to use radical acceptance and remind myself, when I become down about it, that the living situation is temporary. I have a promising job interview within the next few days that could help solve the problem. I haven’t really completed my goal because it hasn’t been bothering me this week so I guess that doesn’t count.
We also talked about colouring and how it can help calm you down during stressful moments. While I have not done this activity yet I plan on doing it.
Tomorrow we are going to be discussing boundaries. I am nervous about this. I am not good with boundaries, setting them or respecting others boundaries unless I agree with them. I think it will be most difficult for me to set my own boundaries. I am terribly afraid of hurting people’s feelings and I have seen many times (including an incident yesterday about money) how my boundaries and saying no hurt others. I guess I need to not care if others are hurt when I am respectfully and rightly setting boundaries.
I will have more skill based posts coming up!
If you are not familiar with the crash of Germanwings please check out this article, “Co-pilot deliberately crashed Germanwings plane“.
The following are excerpts from Identities.Mic entitled, “Everyone’s Trying Really Hard Not to Call the Germanwings Co-Pilot a Terrorist” by Zak Cheney-Rice. Cheney-Rice explains that crimes committed by White people are not viewed or explained the same way as crimes committed by People of Colour. It is in our criminal justice system that the privilege of having White or light skin is glaringly obvious, but our rationales dismiss it because we have centuries of cultural conditioning to fall back on. No one is blaming anyone. Acknowledging the privilege that White or light skin gives you is a positive thing. It allows you to help dismantle the severe systemic racism in our cultures and to challenge your own personal biases that WE ALL HAVE. Awareness and acknowledgement are a good thing. We can’t hide from the truth any longer. It is uncomfortable to realize but it must be realized. But, I can only speak about the privileges I have because of my White skin so this article can explain the rest since it is their story.
Note: Comments may be censored if deemed to be racist, or inappropriate in some way. Some comments may not be responded to depending on my comfort level or overall comfort in speaking about an experience that is not mine. I am also completely aware that many of my readers have other oppressed identities such as being a cis woman or having a disability. Having White or light skin can still be a privilege in those groups and I say that not to diminish the suffering and discrimination that has been experienced but to again challenge you to become aware of the barriers that society has put in place for People of Colour, especially when there are multiple oppressed identities.
“White people can’t be terrorists…Disturbed? Yes. Mentally ill? Probably. A troubled outcast? Of course. But “terrorist”? That term is reserved for a special type of person, someone with brown skin, a foreign-sounding name, roots in the Middle East or North Africa and a progressively anti-Western Internet history — probably typed in Arabic…Terrorists, we’re told, are Muslim. And if anything happens to disrupt that notion, we have a really hard time explaining it.”
“Breivik [massacred of 69 children at a Norway summer camp in 2011], was, by definition, a terrorist. Yet here are some of the terms the media used to describe him: “Radical loser.” “Lone ‘crusader.'” “Angry fantasist.” “White supremacist.” “Terrorist” was rarely mentioned, if at all.”
“People have avoided applying the “terrorist” label to Lubitz, largely out of uncertainty, which is fair. We don’t know if it’s true. But history suggests that, were he a killer of any other shade, we’d be far less generous with our reservations. White killers get the benefit of humanization. We explain their existence through their broken dreams, their struggles and their afflictions. It’s part of why Muslim killers are consistently presented to us in mug shots, or why black victims — like Michael Brown, who never killed anyone at all — are presented as scowling, threatening “thugs.””
I am considering trying Lithium. Thoughts? due to my horrible history of suicidality on psychiatric drugs please let me know if you experienced an increase in suicidal thoughts/behaviours or if you didn’t have any before, but they occurred after you took Lithium. I need to know the worst because it will probably happen to me. I have looked up the side effects but I prefer first hand accounts. Yes, this is off label use as it would be used for mood stabilization not associated with mania or other bipolar experiences.
Thank you :)
This is speaking to me, especially the chorus. I have the strong urge to scream out my pain. I’m so tired. This song does have a positive message so I’m trying to focus on that.
“Is anybody out there?
It feels like I’m talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
I guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I’m going insane
Am I the one who’s crazy?”
Over the past few weeks I have been struggling with DBT. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself and this has nothing to do with my ability or inability to grasp certain skills. I am fearful that by learning these skills I will lose who I am. I am a fighter, I am an emotional person. I know I cannot be super angry and emotional all the time and I do know that DBT is not about turning those parts of you off, but managing them, expressing them better, but I find myself wondering if by doing so I am conforming to the “acceptable” standards for women in my country.
I don’t know how to balance this. I hate being so emotional, but I hate, with more vengeance, the assumption from men that I should not get upset. Throughout my past relationships my wants, needs and emotions have been invalidated and I have attempted to modify myself to fit in with these men. It made me miserable. Even with my most recent ex and current relationship I find myself being told to “get over it” or “don’t let it bother you,” consistently but asking these men to CARE is simply a ridiculous suggestion. Why do I have to bend?
Do I need to be someone that people or like or can I just be someone I like? What does that middle ground look like? My emotions and how I express them are strongly rooted in my identity.
If anyone has any suggestions please share them in the comments. I would hate for this to be my downfall and I push aside learning helpful skills.
A week isn’t really a long time, but it is for me. I spent this past week running a March Break Camp so I have been very busy and very tired. A few fun things/potential fun things have happened and I wanted to share them with you.
1. This week (ish) I’m going to go get my G1. This is the first step in being able to drive a car. Yes, I am almost 26 and I do not drive.
2. I received an email about a job opportunity that sounds amazing and could lead to full-time employment.
3. I started drawing. I can draw if I copy something but practice is needed. I enjoy attempting to draw manga, it is hard but that’s why you practice.
4. Camp went even better than I imagined. I utilized some of my DBT skills to help me better communicate with the campers and staff. I felt calmer and more productive in my interactions. Everyone had a really good time!
5. I got to see my best friend who I haven’t seen since Christmas. We went to the zoo!
6. I was able to hang out with my friend whose son passed away recently. It was like we had never stopped hanging out :) I missed having him around.
7. I finally got a Wonder Woman shirt! It was an early birthday present from my sister :) Wonder Woman is my favourite superhero!
I have DBT tonight which will be awesome as always