We all make judgments. If you believe that you do not make judgements then you are lying to yourself. That is a fact, not a judgement because judgements are our first reaction to something and we have little to no control over our first reactions. The important part with judgements is to not let them influence us and destroy the lives our lives and the lives of others.
Since I started learning DBT skills with DBT Path and now with Dialectical Living I have been working on reducing my judgements. Non-Judgmentally is a mindfulness skill and part of our suffering can definitley come from being judgmental towards others, ourselves and situations. I became aware of my judgments very quickly earlier this year when it was suggested in my Skills Group with DBT Path that we count how many judgments we make a day. By the time I got to 10 judgments in less than 5 minutes I thought to myself, “Alright, I get it. No more counting, I make too many judgments.”
I challenge my judgments towards others daily. If someone says something I don’t like, is wearing something I think is ugly etc. I catch myself and think inside my mind, “Oh stop it! What you’re judging DOES NOT MATTER! You are not being hurt, the thing you are judging has very little consequence in your life. Just drop it.” I say this without judging myself for having the judgment.
Where I am still struggling to reduce judgments is towards myself and certain loved ones. It makes sense that reducing judgments in these two areas would be more difficult because I am closer to them and the actions of others and myself have more of an impact. In this case, I try to be more compassionate and understanding towards the other person’s perspective. This is difficult and possible. The judgments towards myself will probably take longer but I am starting with small judgments and working my way up.