Since the nausea and exhaustion kicked in around week 5 of pregnancy I haven’t had time to care about others. I haven’t had the energy to care about others. It is honestly one of the handful of reasons I haven’t blogged. I can’t do my regular advocacy when I do not care about what is happening to others. On a rational level, I am disturbed by this. It is not normal for me to not feel empathy for others, especially those I am close with. Emotionally though, I simply do not care.
It hasn’t been until recently though that I’ve started thinking about why my compassion is so limited. My first and really only thought is that my body is currently doing the most amazing thing it will ever do, make a living person, and that’s just it for me. I have no room for anything else. My priorities are being physically and emotionally well to continue with my pregnancy, ensuring B and I are prepared for this next phase in our lives and involving our families as much as possible. I feel a little bad and a little selfish and I’m ok with that.
I use a pregnancy app called Ovia Pregnancy and I asked the community if any of them also feel limited in their compassion.
82% can relate, their copassion has gone down.
7% said no, their compassion has not gone down.
11% chose to just leave a comment.
Some of these people work with people closely including hospice care. I am relieved that it’s not just me and that it’s probably not some weird reaction to being pregnant and emotionally sensitive.
The women’s hospital in my city has a pretty awesome program called the Reproductive Life Stages Program (RLS).
“This specialized program in the Department of Psychiatry at Women’s College Hospital provides assessment and short-term treatment for women experiencing new or recurrent mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, mania and psychosis during the reproductive life stages (such as menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum and the menopausal transition).” – Women’s College Hospital, Reproductive Life Stages Program webpage
I have a telephone interview for it this Thursday and I hope I am eligable (don’t see why I wouldn’t). I am hoping this program can help me process my emotions and thoughts. I am very scared about how I will react after birth and this program will be there for me also.
So much goes on with your body when you’re pregnant. I need to accept as much as I can, show myself compassion and keep myself healthy. I don’t want to hurt others. It is never my intention to do so. This isn’t about me. It’s about my child.