I was laying in bed just now, stressing because I might have found a free Mindfulness meditation workshop BUT there may not be space in the time I need. The facilitator asked if I would be able to attend if there was space in the time slot I need and I said yes. This is hopeful. It starts tomorrow.
I am tempted to email her back and explain how I have been searching DBT and Mindfulness therapies for almost 2 years but there is no appropriate opening in the email for that at this point. While I was thinking about how long I have been searching I realized that I turned to psych drugs to help me cope in the mean time. That’s when it hit me…like everything I’ve used to self medicate (cutting, alcohol, sex) psych drugs are easier to obtain then the POSITIVE help I need and deserve.
I know many see psych drugs as a valuable treatment option but I didn’t want this for myself but with limited to know access to the help I need I was seeing no other choice if I wanted to stop ripping myself a part. This isn’t fair.
What hurts us shouldn’t be easier to get than what heals us.