“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there would be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence…The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust! Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?…Or how well disposed would you have become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?” -Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science
The demon is asking, do you value your life as it is or are you living your life in the hopes of an afterlife?
Would I be satisfied to value the life that I’ve had and life it over and over, the same each time?
Would I be ok with living through the depression, self harm, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse, attempts to end my life and all the other things and people that caused me pain?
I have to wonder if i am aware that my life is constantly restarting. If I know that it’s going to get better then I would say yes, without a doubt I would be satisfied with living my live over and over. If I am not aware that my life is constantly restarting (I have a feeling this is the case) I would not answer yes so easily. Still knowing that it works out in the end doesn’t make the trip there any easier. I guess getting to the good is better then never getting to the good.
I need to take into account the good things that I would also be reliving: new friends, school, work, relationships, becoming an adult etc.
Yes, I would be satisfied with living my life again and again and again and again.