I slacked on this, that is for sure. I became overwhelmed with answering the questions so I needed to take a long break. When I saw Marci start up another 30 Day Challenge I was reminded of this one and I feel more able to complete it plus the new one so here we go!
I think I always had attachment issues. Most family members could’t hold me as a baby until I was about 1 years old. I would cry if someone other than my primary caregivers held me. Then I became a shy kid. I would cry over many things. I was hurt easily. I would now call it bullying but back in the 90’s and early 2000’s it was just “kids being kids”. I was ignored, made fun of and in some cases hit by people who claimed to be my friend. My friendships seemed to be unstable especially when I entered gr. 6 and was forced to switch schools by the school board (they built a new school closer to my home). Many of us had to make new friends and leave our old ones behind. I was 1 of a group of 6 girls who claimed to be best friends. Who your “best” of the best friends was changed every week or so. Guys started becoming more interesting but they were not interested in me. This fueled competition between me and my girl friends. It was in gr. 8 that I began going downhill. I think a person can only be ignored and put down for so long. Entering high school was a whole other story. Boyfriends, drugs and drinking became my life. Majority of my relationships were emotionally abusive and I was always in a relationship of some sort to confirm to myself that I was worth something. Then a trauma happened which changed my sadness into rage which brings me up to now.
In terms of the good things that have helped my mental health, becoming anger is high up there on the list. I can stand up for myself and let others know when I am not happy. Joining various mental health groups, activism, working and attempting to make decisions have greatly helped me become a better person. I got rid of many people in my life who were dragging me down and put more effort into those who are stable and great friends. I became more close with my family and they play a very important fun role in my life. always continuing my education has also helped my mental health as I love learning and sharing what I have learned. I am very pleased that there are many more things in my life now that positive effect my mental health then when I was younger. I am in a good place.