30 Day Mental Illness Awareness Challenge: Day 12

Day 12: What do you think about your diagnosis in general?  (Some ideas are: stereotypes, commonalities, misdiagnosis, over diagnosis)

Borderline Personality Disorder. It just feels like me. I know we’re supposed to be doing the whole “I’m not my illness thing” but I don’t30 day challenge think I’m ill and even if I did how could I not take “personality disorder” personally. Personality is you, is it not?

I believe that having a diagnosis of BPD means that I am an angry woman. It means I am not fitting into the mold of what a woman should be (ie: quiet). I fight, I yell, scream, hit and just explode. This does not mean though that I am a bitch, manipulative and unworthy of love much like those who stereotype BPD believe.

One big part of BPD that I do not have in common with many who also have the label is a good family life. Research claims that people with a BPD diagnosis experience various abuses at home as children. I experienced none of this. Instead I believe that it is because I was abused by friends and intimate partners that I have become this way. I’m also very open to the idea that my brain is just wired differently. That still doesn’t make me sick.

I believe I was misdiagnosed with depression due to my age when things started happening. I was diagnosed with depression instead despite all the signs for BPD being there. I think a lot of time was wasted.

Overall, and as usual, I’m fine with myself and diagnosis. It’s everyone else who is not.

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5 thoughts on “30 Day Mental Illness Awareness Challenge: Day 12

  1. I’m still looking into BPD as a diagnosis because I see a LOT of similarities between the textbook definition and who I am.

    It’s always bothered me for some reason.

    “It just feels like me”

    You’ve summed it all up in one sentence.

  2. Pingback: 30MIAC Day 12: Round Up/Results | Marci, Mental Health, & More

  3. On the abuse theory for bpd, I think the researchers really need to focus on all abuse we experience as a child and possible links. I wasn’t abused at home, but I was at school from the first day at age 5 until my last day at age 18, I was ruthlessly picked on, pushed, shoved, called names, pretty much everything in the book, and I am sure this is part of why I am who I am today.

    I know I am borderline based on hospital records I obtained, but no doctor has said it straight to me, but its the only thing that explains why I am me, and its clear the psychiatrist in the hospital thought so. (this was after a 6 week inpatient hospital stay, so not based on a quick assessment in the ER) but doctors and mental health just tell me not to worry about a diagnoses, which to me is code word for, we can’t do anything, no medication for this, so try and manage some symptoms.

    • I have always found the approach doctors have taken towards you to be very strange. Sometimes not being given a label is great but in your case, where you want to know what’s going on, it’s causing such trouble. These doctors are careless.

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