30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 12

Day 12: Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)

Currently I do not have any self harm tools. My specific tools were disposed of in January of this year and if I have self harmed since then it has been with random items around the house.

In the past I kept my tools usually on me. Since my self harm was predominantly done as a youth I needed to hide my tools so no one would find them and get upset with me. This sometimes meant I would have a blade in my pocket or in my purse.

 

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5 thoughts on “30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 12

  1. no one would have noticed if we had “tools” or not; no one cared. seriously. we could’a cut right there while watching the boob-tube and no one would have noticed. that may be a stretch (maybe, not sure), but the reality is, no one in our house ever talked or noticed anything. . .unless you stood in front of the all encompassing television, then you’d get your head knocked off!

      • i wonder what your folks were thinking when they though of taking the door off? it is hard being a parent. i took some pretty drastic measures with my child too when he was acting out. i loved my son with all my being. i wanted him to have a good life, waaay better then mine had been. but he fought me tooth and nail. by 14 i started letting him go from my heart and at 18 i left completely. over the years, we have tried to connect, but we can’t do it. we hurt each other every time so i will never see him or the grand-kids again. i do not want to hurt him any more. it sucks being mentally ill.

        this whole subject breaks my heart. it hit home, a raw nerve for sure. good subject to have in therapy!

        i was a pretty lousy mom and never should have had children. having a mi is hard on all of us. my son wants a whole mom, but i will never be that whole mom. he cannot accept me as i am. that hurts. knowing that my love was not enough make me want to kill myself; there is no worse pain in my mind and heart then the loss of our child.

      • My parents were thinking that if they took my door then I would be safer. They could look in on me and then I wouldn’t self harm. My therapist told them not to do that because I still needed my privacy, a space that I felt safe and that taking my door would make everything worse. My parents just made themselves available and understood that I needed to go through the motions. I think sometimes they were just happy I made it home, even if it meant I was really drunk. Either way, it worked out because I’m good now.

        I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your son is not where you would like it to be. It’s not easy being a parents and it sure as hell isn’t easy when you and/or your child has mental health issues. One thing I want to do soon and especially when I have children is great a support group for parents who have mental health issues. I feel like they are ignored, condemned and there are very few reasons that they could not become better parents.

        Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope you’re doing alright.

      • i like your idea! i wonder if NAMI has anything like that already, if not, it would be a good thing to start one maybe?
        i think your T was right~ don’t take off the door, but we learned the hard way. it was not off more then a few hours, but still. seeing it from other’s eyes. thank you.

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