I’m watching an episode of Dr. Phil and he is interviewing a man who made headlines for spanking his wife when she didn’t call him “sir”.
I am watching this episode with new eyes. I can now see the way an abuser tries to twist events in their favour and literally CANNOT see that what they did was wrong. I’m seeing a living example of what I read in Lundy Bncroft’s book. It is unnerving and disgusting. He also claims to be a man of God. No.
Dr. Phil was just speaking to Kirby about how he was kicked out of anger management. It reminded me of how Bancroft said that society has that wrong view of abusive men. The view that they have anger problems is wrong. In many cases these men do not abuse others in their life, just their spouse (and some their children) therefore anger is not a problem. The problem is entitlement.
Abusive men feel entitled to their significant other.
They feel that she needs to do exactly what he says when he says it.
She needs to be exactly who he wants her to be.
He gets to do whatever he wants.
He believes he knows best.
He gets angry when his authority is threatened and when she demonstrates independence.
Abusive men are not angry, they are ENTITLED!
One we can understand that we can better help women and their children and most importantly we can help these men become better men.