Shit Borderlines Do

Of course many of these are not limited to BPD and while many of them are negative I find some of them oddly funny.

Tagged "graphic" | Shit Borderlines Do

I find it very difficult to talk about why I feel angry or sad sometimes. It is just something I feel and I feel it very strongly. I know when people are suicidal those who wish to help are wanting a good, concrete answer, “I want to die because I feel like no one loves me.” The person can then provide examples of how they are loved. When I was being asked a few months ago why I was suicidal all I could come up with was, “I feel wrong.” It’s a very helpless feeling for everyone involved. There are no ways to explain and I have actually found then when I try and find the words or reasons I end up making things up just to appease others and I get further away from my truth.

Tagged "graphic" | Shit Borderlines Do

I’m so bad for this! I apologize for EVERYTHING! Even when I was a teen I would self harm because a friend was upset. I would become angry at myself for not being able to help them when it’s really not my issue but I took it on anyways. A recent example: My partner missed the exit off the highway and I began to feel bad and apologize because I felt that I should have warned him the exit was coming. Reality, it’s not a big deal to miss the exit, and he’s the driver so he should have been paying attention.

Anger #shitborderlinesdo

It’s a spinning vortex of rage. It fills you from head to toe. The rage vibrates your body, chokes you and completely shuts you down. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel in the brain. It’s truly a horrible experience. It makes me want to scream.

Tagged "graphic" | Shit Borderlines Do

I notice everything. The problem is, I always interpret these changes in the worst way. I will obsess about these changes, wonder why they are happening, if I should ask about it, if I’m making a big deal about it and what I should do. This will then usually provoke a fight which can then confirm some of my fears because now I feel like I have evidence for them.

Tagged "graphic" | Shit Borderlines Do

Go big or go home as I always say. If you’re going to feel something feel it all the way. It’s horrible and can sometimes by physically painful because of the stress that gets released into my body. It’s also severely annoying because I can tell myself that something is not a big deal but my body is still responding with such intensity that you would think my life was in danger when really my partner is just coming home later than I wanted him too.

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22 thoughts on “Shit Borderlines Do

  1. A lot of those sound similar to traits of autism (not necessarily ones in the DSM, but as I’ve observed them in actual ASD individuals, myself included. Not saying BPD= autism, just might be yet another thing that overlaps.

    • caelesti, this is an interesting comment about autism. who knew! do you have a website that i could go to read about this? or will any autism website do? i have known a long time i had some autism traits, but had no idea these were they. very intriguing, thanks!

      • Justin, have you ever looked up dissocitive (sp?) disorders? When you said, “I don’t feel like me, like someone else has control, I try with my might but it’s not the real me, and I don’t know how to fix it so it doesn’t happen. It scares me”. this is how i have often felt throughout my life too.

        also I can really relate to always saying “im sorry” all the time, i used to say that a lot too; feeling that i was or i am not as worthy as someone else, that i don’t deserve good things or even for important things as you said, stopping for bodily functions! I bet if you had to go, the others may have been to embarrassed to say they wanted to stop, but you were the brave one.
        as a child on long trips, i never said i had to go, mostly because i didn’t want my mother got get mad (as she did often) so i didn’t want to upset her.

        your post was not too long and i am glad you wrote it. we are your support system even if sometimes we all get upset or “triggered” by some other’s comments from time to time, your feelings and comments are valued. here is why. when you comment from your heart, others feel it and if you have something that hurts, most of us can relate to it in one way shape or form and that helps all of us feel connected.

        hope this makes sense and i hope you keep posting from your heart with no apology accepted. you and your comments are appreciated.

      • That would be great.

        I have a friend who has autism and I believe my ex boyfriend might have had autism (his belief not one I am putting on him). From what I have noticed we would share a commonality in interpreting emotions incorrectly but for different reasons. I believe BPD would be less neurological than autism.

  2. Even though logically I shouldn’t find them funny, I do in a dark way. I see so much of myself in your post – from the descriptions in each image to your responses to them.
    Thanks for posting this!

  3. I have worked with folks with BPD many times. I have found that other people’s reactions often are a large part of the problem. Stigma leads to expectations lead to poor interactions lead to responses that fulfill the expectations, and around and around. It’s too bad, really.

    • When I compare how my ex partner reacted to me to how my current partner reactions to it’s like night and day. My current part is very calm and it immediately shuts down my initial urge to completely rage. I can monitor and manage my anger but if someone is screaming in my face then I can’t do it!

      I agree with you so much and it’s nice to hear some understanding.

  4. Thanks so much for writing this. I am still fairly new to this diagnosis and I’ve read the formal stuff but reading this made me laugh in a weird way. Alot of these things bother me terribly about myself and until now I didn’t realise it affected other people in the same ways as it does me. It just didn’t seem obvious someone else was suffering in this hilariously tragic way that I do. Not sure I communicated this correctly but you know I mean well anyway:) x

    • I understood just fine 🙂

      I have always found that the formal writing on BPD makes me feel worse as it’s missing the emotion. When our thoughts and behaviours are described it’s not always pretty. It says, “intense anger” but nothing about how horrible it feels or how we get to that point in the first place.

      It’s important to have a little laugh at ourselves! I do it all the time!

      Thanks for commenting!

  5. All of what you wrote applies to me at one point or another, Pride . . And I have been diagnosed with Major Depression, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, & most recently with Bipolar Disorder in the past . . Thanks . .

  6. you are brilliant! I can sooo relate to all you posted and said, simply amazing! thank you. i sooo get all you posted and like you said they can fit many of us with other diagnoses. i suppose we could all have multiple things going on from autism to . . .? the possibilities are endless!

    what caelesti wrote about autism; i took the test on line (not a diagnosis) at psych central and it said i have autism. hmmm. makes no sense to me. i can be with people and appear to be, “normal” (whatever that is), but the melt downs after are fierce!
    i have a sibling on the AS but he really seems different from the first meeting on. he appears uncomfortable whereas i can fit in for a little while.

    this information helps me to see why it is all so difficult to diagnose. the possibilities are endless, we can fit right in to so many diagnoses!

  7. I like this post and I want to share some of my answers.

    When I have suicidal feelings or have done an attempted and asked why, I never seem to have an answer, and what always comes out is, I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live feeling this way, which is the truth, I want to be alive, I just don’t want to feel the way I do.

    Sorry is comes out of my mouth more times then any other word every would, and its rarely my fault but someone else but still I feel the need to say sorry, it really annoys people in my life, i’d be rich if I had a dollar each time I said sorry in a week.

    I feel bad for asking anyone anything no matter how trivial, I feel like I am wasting their time or going to make them mad. Example recently I went with a group on a longish trip by car and needed use the washroom, I felt incredibly guilty just asking them to stop, feel like I was doing something wrong. I feel guilty that my partner has to work, I am always telling her sorry that she has to work, she worked before, and I am not sure why I feel so guilty.

    Being consumed by anger in an argument, your answer is spot on for me as well. I could not have written it better. I don’t feel like me, like someone else has control, I try with my might but it’s not the real me, and I don’t know how to fix it so it doesn’t happen. It scares me.

    I had a manager once change my days off without explanation and I worried and worried and just obsessed over it because I convinced myself I did something wrong and was going to be fired.

    I notice nearly everything and my day can go from perfect to horrible in a split second because of how I perceived somebody treating me, and it’s a good example why I fail in customer service roles as well. A customer upset at the company in my mind is the person is pissed at me, and then I get defensive and that’s not good in customer service.

    Sorry reply is so long.

  8. Pingback: Comparing Autism & Borderline Personality Disorder | The Lefthander's Path

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