Part 1: DEAR MAN
The second set of DBT skills, I pulled on to have my conversation with B is called GIVE. This is a skill to use to keep your relationship. GIVE can be used in combination with DEAR MAN as GIVE is very much about your behaviour during a conversation.
Here is how I filled out the GIVE worksheet.
Describe ways to be Gentle with your communication:
I will speak calmly, let B speak and acknowledge what he says that is relevant.
Describe what you will do or say to act Interested:
I will listen, nod, learn forward with my body to demonstrate listening.
Plan to Validate the other person’s thoughts/feelings/behaviours by saying:
“I understand it is difficult because you are not working.”
Describe any strategies for keeping the conversation light with an Easy Manner:
I will smile and say “I love you.”
As with DEAR MAN, having GIVE all planned out eliminates the guessing. I planned ahead of time exactly what I could do to go keep my relationship. Even when I began to slip and cried, I remembered that I wrote down that I would speak calmly so I kept my voice down. This isn’t to say that you can’t cry, you can, just my crying was leading into pure emotion and I needed to keep control. I also kept reminding myself of DEAR MAN and Described, Expressed and Asserted while remaining relatively calm.
For the worksheet click here.
For a detailed description of GIVE click here.
Is GIVE something you could see using in your life? Have you used GIVE?