Over the past few weeks I have been struggling with DBT. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself and this has nothing to do with my ability or inability to grasp certain skills. I am fearful that by learning these skills I will lose who I am. I am a fighter, I am an emotional person. I know I cannot be super angry and emotional all the time and I do know that DBT is not about turning those parts of you off, but managing them, expressing them better, but I find myself wondering if by doing so I am conforming to the “acceptable” standards for women in my country.
I don’t know how to balance this. I hate being so emotional, but I hate, with more vengeance, the assumption from men that I should not get upset. Throughout my past relationships my wants, needs and emotions have been invalidated and I have attempted to modify myself to fit in with these men. It made me miserable. Even with my most recent ex and current relationship I find myself being told to “get over it” or “don’t let it bother you,” consistently but asking these men to CARE is simply a ridiculous suggestion. Why do I have to bend?
Do I need to be someone that people or like or can I just be someone I like? What does that middle ground look like? My emotions and how I express them are strongly rooted in my identity.
If anyone has any suggestions please share them in the comments. I would hate for this to be my downfall and I push aside learning helpful skills.