Awhile back I blogged a little bit about how I feel sexism is coming to play in my mental health. I have always believed that my Borderline diagnosis just means that I am an angry woman; a woman who will not emotionally confirm to the cultural standards set for women.
While I was reading Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay and came across a few quotes from Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn that spoke to me. I have tried to be the woman Amy Dunne is describing and I know I still try to be this woman but it’s exhausting.
That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding . . . Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. -Gone Girl, Gillian Fynn
Roxane goes on to say and quote:
In Gone Girl, Amy talks about the temptation of being the woman a man wants, but ultimately she doesn’t give in to the temptation to be “the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain.” Unlikable women refuse to give in to that temptation. They are, instead, themselves. They accept the consequences of their choices, and those consequences become stories worth reading. -Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay
I am an “unlikable” woman who tries to be likable which makes me even more unlikable. When Roxane Gay says “unlikable” she doesn’t mean these women are bad women, they are just not following the “rules”. I don’t want to follow the rules, I have never and will never follow the rules and people need to accept that. This should be seen as a positive quality I have and not negative.