Gone Girl Gets Me

Awhile back I blogged a little bit about how I feel sexism is coming to play in my mental health. I have always believed that my Borderline diagnosis just means that I am an angry woman; a woman who will not emotionally confirm to the cultural standards set for women.

While I was reading Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay and came across a few quotes from Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn that spoke to me. I have tried to be the woman Amy Dunne is describing and I know I still try to be this woman but it’s exhausting.

That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding . . . Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. -Gone Girl, Gillian Fynn

Roxane goes on to say and quote:

In Gone Girl, Amy talks about the temptation of being the woman a man wants, but ultimately she doesn’t give in to the temptation to be “the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain.” Unlikable women refuse to give in to that temptation. They are, instead, themselves. They accept the consequences of their choices, and those consequences become stories worth reading. -Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay

I am an “unlikable” woman who tries to be likable which makes me even more unlikable. When Roxane Gay says “unlikable” she doesn’t mean these women are bad women, they are just not following the “rules”. I don’t want to follow the rules, I have never and will never follow the rules and people need to accept that. This should be seen as a positive quality I have and not negative.

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9 thoughts on “Gone Girl Gets Me

  1. From one unlikeable woman to another, I love this post. In literature, women who won’t play by the rules, particularly when it comes to sex, are almost always punished. One of the things I liked about Gone Girl was that this unlikeable woman got away with it. There are very few examples of that in literature, although Rebecca Sharp in Vanity Fair is another.

    Glad to see you’re a fellow Blog For Mental Health participant, too! Please check out my blog if you get the chance: http://www.emovoid.com/

  2. Do you still believe in the validity of the Borderline diagnosis? It sounds like you are moving away from it. If so then I think that’s good! It makes no sense to me how there can be a mental “illness” which is so subjective, descriptive, and can be “had” in so many different ways as supposed Borderline PD. That is not to say, of course, that people’s painful symptoms are not real. They are real, but saying that is saying something quite different from saying BPD is invalid and unreliable.

    • I have always believed in the experience that psychiatry calls BPD. I will use the diagnostic language because I don’t know what other language to use. I use the diagnosis out of desperation for people to stop thinking that I am a “bitch” and instead as someone in pain. I shouldn’t have to do this though.

  3. bless you wonderful intelligent heart; you just said what has been locked up in mine for 50 years and never knew why i was so rebellious! those damn RULES!!! Yer awesome! i look forward to pondering this~~and of course sharing! 🙂

  4. Interesting…I would think the best person any of us can be is ourselves,not ignoring the fact that we all have characteristics that need the rough edges taken off, because eventually we will boil down to ourselves. A show or pretense can only last so long….

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