I ordered a book that was recommended by my DBT Facilitators called, “Boundaries Where You End and I Begin: How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries” by Anne Katherine. It’s a short and easy read and I am enjoying the activities so far (I’m on Chapter 3). As I have stated in a previous post boundaries are not my strong suit. It is my hope that reading this book and doing some of the activities will help me get a better idea of how to stay firm in my boundaries and the boundaries of others.
I would like to share with you an activity I modified and completed from chapter 1 called Picture Your Boundary.
- Draw a circle. Everything within that circle is you.
- Fill the circle with:
- what you care about
- what you believe
- what you hate
- what is attractive to you
- what repels you
- what you value
- what you think about
- what you are really like
- A million things make you distinct from everyone else. The more you know about these things, the firmer your self-concept.
It’s a little hard to read probably so I will provide a few examples from each category.
What you care about: Love, friendship, family, my cat
What you believe: Giving to others, happiness is possible, activism
What you hate: Ignorance, abuse, manipulation, bullies
What is attractive to you: Humour, understanding, lived experience, intelligence
What repels you: (I actually didn’t answer this one as I found it similar to “what you hate”)
What you value: Expression, freedom, work, confidence
What you think about: “Take a chance”, “I just want someone to tell me I’m ok”, “Make mistakes”
What you are really like: Scared, calm, loving, love to laugh, I don’t really like loving
What I learned from this is that I know what I want and what I don’t want. I also know that I am not good at stating these do’s and don’ts of them to the people in my life. What do I do with this information? Currently, all I can do is look at it and say, “Alright, this is me.” Translating that into boundaries will come later. For some reason, you need confidence to tell people what you do and don’t want and I don’t have that all yet but, we all need to start somewhere!