3 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About ‘Negative People’

A friend of mine posted an article on Facebook called, 3 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About ‘Negative People’. I could relate to the 3 lies the author pointed out and have spoken before (on this blog and in presentations) that the idea of constant happiness and complete emotional control is ridiculous and that there is value in our negative experiences.

Below is just bits from the original article. Please click the link above from the full article.

3 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About ‘Negative People’

Source: Huffington Post

1.  There Are Positive People, Who We Should Aspire to Be Like, and Negative People, Who We Should Avoid Being Like

This is code for “Depressed people are terrible. Here are their mistakes for you to learn from so you’ll never be like those people.

2. We Would All Be Happier If We Just Cut ‘Negative People’ From Our Lives

It’s one thing to cut out someone who is abusive or puts you in immediate danger. It’s another matter entirely to cut someone out of your life because they aren’t happy enough for you.

3. ‘Negative People’ Are Only Unhappy Because They Choose to Be

It’s unfair to tell someone who is struggling to just “think themselves out of it.” Mental health is far more complicated than that.

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15 thoughts on “3 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About ‘Negative People’

  1. I get this. People assume me negative or angry when the fact is I am a pretty content and thankful being who can write with an edge when passion strikes me. I see all things as balancing others. If everything we read was sappy shiny happy, I am certain I would cease reading permanently. Can’t even stomach the thought of it. God bless all the balancers in the world who keep life real. 😊

  2. Hey! So true – i’ve been in the category of trying to be positive all the time, and no it does’ work – I do believe that by allowing all our feelings we can let go of old hurts, and be in a more centered place where perhaps we will be not SO down or SO high – I think the build up on repressed emotions due to our old beliefs that we should have a stiff upper lip, has caused pretty much everyone to have a back-log of feelings that come out as depression or mania as we have not let it out, and not felt it!… Now, I am happy to have a bloody good cry if it feels right, and I’m not scared who sees it! Nice work !!!

    • I agree! We have gone to far the other way where feeling anything negative is seen as horrible when these feelings are natural and actually beneficial to not just ourselves individually but also society. If we didn’t experience stress we wouldn’t make progress on anything because we would just “happily” accept things as they are.

  3. One of my abuser’s favourite diatribes was about how I was being lazy and selfish because I wasn’t just “thinking myself out” of my mental illness. Methinks she needs to read this post, as everything in it rings true to how she used to be, especially as she would frequently cut people out of her life that she didn’t consider happy enough. But then, she’d probably just dismiss it all as twaddle. Thanks for posting this, a quite wonderful article. 🙂

  4. There are some overly negative people I’ve had to cut out of my life, but it was generally after giving them multiple chances- including understanding when they had mental health stuff going on & needed support. But if they refused to get help, insisted they were always right, etc. and threatened to drag down my own mental health that is where I had to draw the line. Including people who kept discouraging me from various forms of success. But I have also been That Friend, that other people have had to cut out for their sanity, or maybe not given enough chances, I don’t know it’s all rather subjective. But I agree the negative vs. positive person thing is ridiculous. Hell, I’m suspicious of people that are nothing but sunshine & sugar! I usually hang out with deep thinkers who depressed or emotionally intense at least some of the time!

    • Yes, I gave a lot of chances as well! We still need to set boundaries regardless of the reasons for a person’s behaviour. I am suspicious as well of overly positive people! I often wonder if they actually understand the world or if they’re in denial. There has to be a negative and positive balance. I hang out mostly with individuals who have mental health issues so they’re all self reflective and intense!

  5. I disagree on that third point. There have been many times I have forced myself to think positive and I could feel the negative emotion lift right off me, so I know that it works. And there have been times I didn’t feel like working to change my thinking, so I allowed myself to feel the negative feeling even as I knew I could will myself out of it if I desired. However, I knew that if I was going to choose to wallow that I had to own that responsibility, as well.

    • It is great when we get to the point of realizing that we can control our thoughts and have the skills to support us in doing so. I am glad to hear that you have the skills and can safely feel negative thoughts! 🙂

  6. I am the first to admit I am a negative person. I do try and think positive and it does help me feel better, however its always temporary and the fall seems to be worse afterwards. Its so confusing. Negative is automatic for me, and positive requires me to stop, think and do, and I struggle with making it automatic because you can’t always think-stop-do.

    I’ve been a negative person since at least 5 years old, the first recorded mention of it, my teacher noted on my report card that I am too negative and it disrupts the other students. I have no memory of that age so I can’t say what was happening.

    I was positive for a few days this week, then I was hit by a brick wall and the major negative feelings came back really hard.

    Maybe someone I’ll figure it out. I am not good at self teaching and self help without guidance and professionals to talk to, probably why I struggle so much.

  7. Pingback: ‘Positive Thinking’ Mantras Can Cross into Gaslighting | Pride in Madness

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