I’m Allowed to Have Privacy

Since reading about and discussing boundaries in my DBT class, I have come to acknowledge I overshare.

Rightly or wrongly, years of therapy, from a young age, has encouraged me to share every event, thought and emotion in my life in the promise that it will make me feel better. Then I began working in the mental health field where my lived experience was an asset. Sharing my story was what was going to end discrimination, show society who people with mental health issues really are: super cool individuals who deserve respect. But, the more I share, the more horrible I feel. Each time, I am ripping an old scar. I burn out frequently, but I keep going for the greater good.

After some though, I realized that oversharing isn’t a good thing. It is a boundary issue. It seeps into other parts of my life, including my social life, where everyone and anyone can hear my story. I don’t like this. It’s strange to maybe not know this but, I am allowed to have some privacy. Not just allowed actually, but entitled to privacy.

I haven’t blog as much because I am trying to give myself this privacy. I have felt better since doing this and setting a few other boundaries such as not answering work related emails after 6pm on weekdays and barely answering them on the weekends. Giving myself space to breathe and heal is proving to be very valuable. I was always in a rush to fix things, make things happen that I was getting ahead of myself and catching up was becoming difficult.

It’s time to slow things down, do things for myself and put a bit on the backburner for a bit.


19 thoughts on “I’m Allowed to Have Privacy

  1. interesting. dpt is about sharing the most intimate and retched details of our lives, over and over again, till we are sick of hearing it. but over sharing can be hurtful; hmm.

    i wonder how we know when enough is enough?

    when or how do we know when we have crossed the line?

    because i have difficultly sharing, even in T, so what you do; i cannot imagine. over sharing is not my issue, instead, it is the inability to share. all my sh** makes up this hard rock that sits at the base of my sternum and pain all over.

    sharing. . . i do not know how you can do it!

    good for you for noticing what is good for you! that is really a goal for all of us. putting ourselves first is not in my vocabulary; we are all learning a new lexicon.

    • I think the oversharing part comes in when I share and experience pain but do it anyway. Oversharing is sharing against what is appropriate for yourself or the situation. I’m told it’s common in people with BPD 😛 I know enough is enough when I go home hating my life but I want to know sooner and that actually takes a conscious effort. “Ok Kristen, remember that this doesn’t need to be said.” Ok, I won’t say it.

      I used to keep a lot inside but my outward anger makes it hard to keep things in 😛 There is a difference between privacy and not being able to share. Maybe it’s not the time for somethings to be talked about? Maybe you need to build a more trusting relationship? Maybe a new approach should be taken with the topic? In the end though it moves at your pace 🙂

  2. Oh my goodness…… I needed to read this! I am thinking of printing it out and hanging it on the wall. Let’s see, where shall I hang it? Maybe it I move the antique framed cross stitch a little to the left…..

      • Thanks!! This has been a rough morning so far. An online friend, a fellow author, called me and said she had hurt herself because the voices told her she is garbage and needs to die. She lives about 2,000 miles away from me. I called the police in her area and told them, but it seemed like the woman I was talking to didn’t take me seriously. However… a few minutes ago… the police called me from her apartment. They are taking her to the hospital. I am so relieved… and sad… and exhausted.

        I need some privacy boundaries right now. Am going to my Happy Place. 🙂

      • Much better, thanks! My friend sent me several texts telling me that she is now in a very humane, warm, caring place, and thanking me for calling for emergency help, even though she thought she did not want that at the time. What a relief!

  3. Good for you! I understand how often times, especially online where judgment is particularly vicious and abundant, we feel like sharing our experiences seems like the only way to get people to understand. We ignore the pain of this oversharing because we feel it’s for the greater good, somehow.

    I think it’s great that you are self aware enough to realize that you’re sharing too much and it’s hurting you, and that you are mature enough to step back and remove yourself from it. Baring everything is so commonplace now–Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (thanks to that abomination, there was a point in time for a while where I knew every time one of my guy friends used the restroom; thanks but no)–that I don’t think many people would be willing to give up the feeling of being “known,” even for their own mental well being. It’s fantastic that you care more about your health than placating a bunch of people online.

    I wish you all the best in your therapy. ❤

  4. Wow, that hit home real hard! Thanks so much for expressing this. I have a problem with this and when I started my blog (lifeofmiblog.com) last year it hit me between the eyes. I was just amazed at how good it felt to share with appreciative readers my journey….but I didn’t understand boundaries. Between my blog and Twitter I was sharing everything, then one day my wife took some time out to see what I had been writing…I think if my wife hadn’t been such an amazing person I would have lost her that day. I killed my Twitter account but have left the posts (with my wife’s agreement) as a reminder of how “loose lips can sink ships” (an old navy friend told me that one). It really is important to understand boundaries as I was getting hundreds of amazing comments from appreciative readers and it just went to my head (so to speak – bad joke), this just encouraged me to share more. Thanks again

    • It’s great that you know where the boundaries are now! Boundaries change all the time so I guess depending on the topics you can share more or less. Do you feel like you are still accomplishing your goal of the blog? I know that is a struggle for me; if I’m not sharing everything then am I helping? That kind of thing.

      • Really good question. The off the cuff answer would be no, however I think so long as I stick to my original plan, my ‘About’ page, then I can still accomplish good. I do get frustrated sometimes as I feel like I have something important to share but can’t, still perhaps the control does make my blog more readable for the masses. I have been considering writing some guest pieces that I wouldn’t perhaps put on my own blog or inviting others to write pieces for my blog. They are options to still get a point across without writing it myself.
        BTW I still hold my breath with everything I do, I struggle to ‘feel’ so ‘knowing ‘ boundaries is really hit and miss. I have never had natural emotions to share.

  5. ah, i so understand that one! but sometimes also, I feel as we share, it gives persmission for others to share too, and for humanity to move the heck on, we all need to share a past, heal our wounds empty our emotional vessels so that light can come in, and we can reach our highest potentials and inner and outer peace can be reached… ok so sounds hopeful, but don’t despair – your sharing i am sure helps people! so much love to you

  6. Well, this is something. Actually I do agree with you, as I personally like to keep boundaries to respect my privacy. Also, over-sharing sometimes do go other way. This is quite good post, describing the exact situation one might feel. Great work.

    • I think it depends on what you are sharing and how you are sharing. I have modified how I share my story with the public over the years because I found that some want the shock and awe but what good does that do for anyone? It makes me feel horrible and people lose sight of the fact that it’s not always doom and gloom. Either way, you are entitled to privacy and in control of how you tell your story 🙂

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