I swear I am not one to write impulsive emails, especially to acquaintances, but I just did and I am now filled with deep shame. I am holding back tears because I feel embarrassed and hoping that I did not hurt the other person and make myself look bad. I tried to come off as standing up for myself and although I did not write anything that could get me in trouble (ie: name calling or accusatory remarks), it was just a very emotional sounding email. I did include in the email that I was upset and therefore probably not saying things properly and that how upset I was, was not the person’s fault. I then followed up this email with another email apologizing and trying to be more appropriately assertive and then also sent them a text message apologizing.
I seriously want to cry. I am still emotional so now probably isn’t the right time to be reflective on the experience, but I do feel the need to write about what happened. This links to DBT because in this moment I was not skillful. I did not regulate and I did not use any distress tolerance. I tried to use some interpersonal effectiveness by expressing what I needed, what I was displeased about and tried to stand my ground but when that is mixed with being emotional I know it comes off as being very aggressive.
I am reminded of an article that one of the peer facilitators at DBT Path, Debbie, wrote about sending emotionally charged emails and texts and how to cope. Debbie includes a PDF of an emotionally charged email/text prevention worksheet in her post which would have come in handy tonight (please do check it out!). This was a blip and I am glad that the person who I sent the email to is a kind person who knows that I am a good person.
So, what do I do? I will try some distress tolerance and emotionally wade through this moment tomorrow when I am more capable. Writing about this has been helpful. I am already calmer than when I first started writing. I am going to settle into bed, do some deep breathing and read. What’s done is done. I will learn from it and move on (radical acceptance?!).