This week’s DBT class is very relevant for me right now: making judgments. As August progresses I find myself slipping into a very steady depression which I find difficult to stay out of. With this depression comes A LOT of judgments on myself and those around me. My judgments are taking the form of:
“I am worthless which is why I spend a lot of time alone.”
“If my boyfriend loved me he would spend more time with me.”
It has been hard to fact-check and if I am perfectly honest I haven’t even tried. The state that I am in has me afraid that if I shrug off these judgments then I will be vulnerable to the judgments being true. This is completely unproductive and I have made an appointment with my social worker to try and remedy this.
But let me bring it back to class. Debbie and Amanda went over ways we can reduce our judgments towards ourself and others and I would like to commit to practicing one of them. I would like to keep a daily count of my judgments. As I always say, awareness if the first step and I need to go back to giving myself time to stop, pause and be curious about why I am thinking, feeling and then acting the way I am. As always I am trying to show myself compassion.
By the end of this blog post I have made at least 4 judgments, all related to people not loving me and me not being worth their love. It is my hope that I can sift through this safely and use the appropriate skills. I think I need to go back through my notes and refresh my memory.