I have said the above before. Here is something I wrote about a week ago when I was having a depressive episode which I will define as me sitting in the dark, alone, sobbing and writing.
“What’s interesting is that being hyperaware of repeating the things I am afraid of doesn’t even protect me from repeating it. I resign myself to it, expect it to happen and tell myself that this is what I deserve.”
I analyze every situation to see if it is one I have been through before. If I decide that it is, or similar, or just plain threatening then I need to prepare myself for the worst. The problem is, is that I most likely create “the worst” and if “the worst” is happening I just accept it. It’s a very strange feeling to want to prepare and protect myself from something I will allow to happen. I guess, if I’m going something bad is going to happen I’m at least going to acknowledge that it is in my life.
Skills I could use? Coping ahead would be a good one. It’s better for me to positively plan ahead what I will do in certain situations than react impulsively in the moment.
Just some quick thoughts for the day. I will hopefully have internet by Monday and won’t have to go other places to use wifi.