I know that each body is different. I know there are many factors that affect fertility from month to month, day to day, but when I do my best to follow the “rules” and B and I are still not pregnant it is very difficult to not let the sadness consume me.
When we first decided to try and become pregnant I was concerned about how I would handle the potential mood swings and body changes that come with pregnancy, due to my emotion regulation issues. Now, I am seeing that I need to plan for finding out that we are not pregnant and the emotions that come along with it. I’m sure many couples who try to have children feel similar feelings, but I cannot doubt that my issues with emotion regulation may make certain feelings exaggerated and more painful.
When I see people on my Facebook post sonogram pictures announcing their pregnancy I can’t help but think, “What is wrong with me? Why aren’t I pregnant yet?” It feels even worse when people share with me that they got pregnant “right away”. The first month they tried (or even that one time oops) they became pregnant. When people hear my age and tell me that I’m young enough for pregnancy to happen quickly I feel upset because it’s not happening quickly (although, what does “quickly” really mean?).
I feel defeated, defective, broken, sad, scared and like a failure. These feelings make me want to stop trying and give up on becoming a parent. This is my Emotion Mind.
I was so stressed last month that I experienced insomnia and crashed from sadness when my period (which was 2 days late, that little bugger!) arrived. I realized, with the help of some supportive people, that I needed to calm down and use my Wise Mind. My Wise Mind will help me remain calm and cope with the disappointment of yet another month of nothing.
What does my Wise Mind tell me in this situation?
We will become pregnant eventually.
If we do not become pregnant within the year we can take the necessary steps to check fertility and go from there.
We should enjoy being together and loving each other no matter what.
Not being pregnant does not mean there is something wrong with either of our bodies.
If there is something not right in one or both of our bodies that it does not reflect poorly on us as people.
This month, I have used my Wise Mind more and have tried to enjoy my relationship more instead of being single-minded and just focusing on becoming pregnant. I have physically and emotionally felt better. Of course, I still have the odd upsetting thought and feeling but then I just remind myself that things are and will be ok.