I’ll bring my SEXY back: My first pole dancing experience

Image: Brass Vixens logo, a star with a circle and a person pole dancing in the center of the star.

Last night, I went to Brass Vixens with a friend, C, for my first ever beginner pole dancing class. C had mentioned going to a PinUp Pole class she took last Friday and when I expressed interest she agreed to come along and it is now going to be our weekly outing! I have been wanting to get out of the house more and I can’t think of a better way than with a friend, exercising our bodies in one of the most fun ways possible!

When ย I first arrived I was nervous. I knew that I was out of shape and the thought of others seeing this was horrifying. The staff were really nice and I began to get the sense that I was safe here. When C and I went into the class and I got my first look at the pole I was excited. I played scenes in my head of one day being able to do a whole routine which would not just mean looking sexy but also having strength in my body. From the moment the teacher started our warm up I knew I was going to hurt the next day. She taught us a few floor moves which made me realize I am not as aware of my body as I would like to be. We also learned how to walk around the pole, do a floor spin into it and also the fireman spin. It was so much fun and I can’t wait to practice once my arms can support my weight again ๐Ÿ˜›

At one point during the class, I briefly became overwhelmed. I was judging myself harshly and these judgments confirmed that I do not believe I am sexy. Not only that, but that I have not felt sexy many years. When I was younger, I did not hesitate with my body. I knew how it moved, I knew what it was doing and most importantly, I knew inside that I was sexy. The emotional abuse I endured in the past upon leaving high school has taken a toll on my body image and self-worth. When you are told by someone who is supposed to love you that their attention and affection need to be earned and used as a control tactic it is very difficult to still see yourself as sexy, desirable, and anything other than a disappointment. I realized all of this in seconds of watching my body move in the mirror.

I had to shake my head and tell myself to stop those thoughts. I reminded myself that what people in the past have told me directly or indirectly about my self-worth and body is wrong. I told myself to not compare myself to my classmates. I told myself to just listen to the music and move. I reminded myself that I wanted to take pole dancing because I knew it would strengthenย me physically and emotionally. I knew that it would tap into a side of me that has been dormant for a long time. As an added bonus, the class brought me into the present. After a month of feeling disconnected from the world, I felt connected as my mind focused on my body, the pole and the music. I am still feeling connected.

I will get my sexy back!

I hope to pole dance like these amazing teachers one day and I also want to try Lyra ๐Ÿ™‚

 

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21 thoughts on “I’ll bring my SEXY back: My first pole dancing experience

  1. I have had clients that started training and doing pole dancing at the same time. Between myself and the instructors we said to not do them but once every 3 days. Doing both helped things not be boring and each strengthened you for the other. Keep it up. You will be sore for a couple of weeks to start, then you will learn to control your body and that will be a different, more tolerable soreness. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. That’s awesome! I’m so glad you stepped outside your comfort zone and did this for yourself. Self love and respect is really difficult to come by. It’s is something many of us struggle with, but you realizing why you feel the way you do and how it’s wrong for other people to judge you, is a huge step in personal healing.
    I once took a pole dancing class and I was NERVOUS! To this day I say a lot of that anxiety had to do with the people o went with! Haha. I went with my manager/friend and another coworker. They were fine and comfortable and I kept thinking, omg I have to see these women in the morning, at work!
    I was so uncomfortable touching my body and waking “sexy”. The pole however was fun! I remember doing the firefly move. I wanted more! Now that I am older and I still need to work on my self worth and I need to realize that I AM sexy (my husband tells me this all the time, that I’m sexy, but I just don’t feel it), I want to take another pole dance class. I think I will do better this time around.
    I hope you continue going to class and feeling happier and sexier and more comfortable with yourself โ˜บ๏ธ.

    • It is a little scary being sexy around people you don’t know or people you may not feel comfortable with. Everyone is there for the same reason though and I found that thought helpful. I hope you do take another pole class. The more you do it and step out of your comfort zone the easier it becomes and it will start affecting other parts of your life too!

  3. I’ve been dying to take a pole dancing class, but I have no one to go with and I’m far too nervous to go by myself. Congratulations on such a successful outing! I can’t wait to read about your progress!

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