Diagnosis aside, all of us have an issue in our lives that needs to be worked on and doing so would improve our lives for the better. I have always felt that one of my best qualities is my willingness to learn more about myself and continuously improve who I am. I have never seen this need to change parts of myself as a bad thing so long as they are parts I want to change, not what others think I should change.
What issue is most pressing for you as a person with BPD or traits?
My most pressing issue is how I function within my relationship with B.
What do you struggle with the most and really want to work on?
I struggle with feeling confident in my relationship with B. No matter what happens that proves our relationship is strong and we love each other, I always tell myself that I am doing something wrong, will always do something wrong, that he doesn’t love me and he will leave me. These are very distressing thoughts that are made more distressing when he does something that reinforces it such as when he stays over a friend’s place and leaves me with no way of paying for transit to get to work….like today….this is, of course an accident and he is apologizing and I know he feels horrible. My first thoughts are that he doesn’t care about my work, my work is not valued and that he doesn’t care about me. This emotionally hurts and also sometimes physically hurts as the emotions I feel (sadness, guilt, shame, anger, fear etc. ) caused physical reactions in my body such as chest pain and nausea. I want to work on making the thoughts go away or, at least having the intensity lessen.
How do you imagine your life might be improved if you improve in this area?
My life WILL be improved WHEN I tackle this issue (which I am always working on). I will have confidence in my relationship, in myself and in B. I will react with less intensity which will decrease the emotional and physical pain I feel. My relationship will be healthier because there is no doubt or any doubt does not stay long as it is dealt with appropriately through the use of skills, such as expressing when and why I am upset in a calm manner instead of yelling it in his face. I feel like I will be able to look at what I have and just feel warm and fuzzing inside, knowing it is here to stay.
I am getting to this point. Nothing will take this from me.
What is yours?