My boss has given me permission to begin research in the hopes of creating a program for Mom’s with BPD improve their relationship with their children and themselves. I am preparing a survey and in the meantime, I wanted to reach out here! If you do not already know me, I am a Mom who experiences borderline traits.
There is a lot of research out there that bashes Moms who experience BPD. Resources for Moms with BPD are scarce and I want to change that! If you feel comfortable, please leave a response in the comments below or you can wait for the survey as it is anonymous.
Who am I looking to hear from:
- Moms who have BPD, borderline traits or believe they have BPD and have never been officially diagnosed.
- Moms (of any age child)
- Pregnant, first-time moms
- Women who would like to be moms
What I would like to know is: if you signed up for a program on Mothering and BPD, what would you want in it? What would help you the most improve your relationship with your children? What would make you feel confident in your mothering as a first-time mom or someone who wants to be a mom?
Happy Mother’s Day To: Every mother, every grandmother, every caretaker, chosen families, queer mamas, genderqueer and trans parents, incarcerated moms, those who wanted to but here unable to be mothers, moms who have lost their children and children who have lost their mothers.
I am celebrating my first Mother’s Day, I just don’t have my baby just yet! By the way, I had my gender reveal yesterday and B and I are having a boy!
Image: A balloon that says “Baby Boy” and two star shaped ballons.
Regardless of the experience, I have never been a fan of the saying, “You’re not alone.” I have always found it to be a self-absorbed statement. How in the hell could someone think that they are the only ones struggling with something? Despite this thought process, I do find myself consistently telling myself that I am alone in experiencing certain situations. I have felt alone in being a suicide attempt survivor. I have felt alone in experiencing Borderline Personality Disorder. I have felt alone in experiencing an emotionally abusive relationship. More recently, I have felt alone in my struggle to become pregnant. It hit me last night that it is not that I actually think I am alone in an experience, rather that I am the only person in my circle of friends that may have this experience. Some of my experiences are taboo to talk about and even among friends, this can increase the sense of loneliness.
Last night, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I saw this graphic on a friend’s profile.
Image: Women silhouetted in white pushing baby strollers in 3 rows. In the middle of the second row, there is a woman silhouetted in black standing with her hand on her hip. Beside her, it reads “I’m the 1 in 8”. http://www.footstepsforfertility.org
The comments left on her Facebook, along with her own comment, told me that she was experiencing issues with becoming pregnant. I quickly sent her a message and told her that if this was her experience I could relate. What ensued was an amazing conversation about our frustrations, people’s attempts to make us feel better and our hope of one day becoming Mothers. We both expressed how happy we were to know this about the other and have someone to talk to. I go into today with a new sense of calm, knowing that someone I personally know understands the disappointment, pain and strength. We both know that we will do whatever it takes to become Mothers.
After seeing the emotional benefit of devoting my weekends to things other then mental health (ie: reading, loom knitting, watching tv and spending time with Michael and others) I have decided that every weekend will be a true weekend and I will leave my work for the weekday. So, no mental health talk on the weekends unless it’s unavoidable (like something huge happens in the mental health world or I’m in a crisis). Instead I will devote the weekends to writing about other topics that I find important or just things that are fun!
I went to the pet store this morning. I pushing my bundle buggy in front of me made me feel like I was pushing a stroller but instead of of a child in it I had cat food and litter. I was reminded of two incidents, one that happened when I was in gr. 11 and another that happened about 3 or so years ago around children and how people saw me when I was with one.
Teen Parent stigma. This is NOT what we should be doing!
The first incident. I was taking my cousin (who was maybe around 1 years old) for a walk around my neighbourhood. My then boyfriend came with me. We just walked around the block, pushing my cousin in the stroller, talking about nothing important, minding our own business. I began to notice though that people we passed gave us dirty looks. They just oozed disapproval. I didn’t say anything to my boyfriend but I knew we were getting those looks because they thought my cousin was mine and my boyfriend’s daughter. The reality is, they had no idea what my or his relationship to that child was but the assumed and decided not to like us. I will also make an assumption that young girls (probably more so then boys, and I will explain why in a bit) who have a child (or children) get these dirty looks and probably nasty comments frequently. THIS IS WRONG!
The second incident was when Michael and I had 2 friends and their son stay at our place for a few days before they moved to another province. Both of them got sick so we offered to take their son for a walk and get some things for dinner. Remembering that incident with my cousin and knowing that I very well looked (and still do so I’m told) like a teenager despite being 20 years old at the time, I told Michael to carry the baby in his carrier. From what I had been learning in my sociology class, society views single/unwed mothers different from single/unwed fathers (I mean single to mean no relationship with the other parent and unwed meaning in a relationship but not married). I dreaded getting the looks again. I had a strong feeling like Michael, as man with a child, would receive looks of longing and admiration. I was right. THIS IS WRONG!
Pregnancies happen. Pregnancy doesn’t care if you’re a teenager or if you don’t have a relationship with the other person who helped create that pregnancy. We need to stop judging single parents or even assumed single parents because it is really none of our business! These parents are no less of a parent then others and they are most likely experiencing and overcoming more obstacles then you can imagine due to their age or raising a child on their own. What these parents need is our support, the same support we would offer to other parents. They are parents! They are people!